


The Year 1839

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Historical, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-10-25 21:11:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 26,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Victorian era AU. Robert Sugden is the landlord of Home Farm. Aaron Dingle is a farmer, working on his land who hasn't been paying his rents. The two meet and things get... interesting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have enough on the go, right? Last time I did an AU I thought no one would read, it was Fickle Fortune, and that seemed to go quite well!! I've had this particular scene in my mind all day so I had to write it. As this is historical, there will inevitably be homophobic language and references here. I am however taking some liberties with historical facts, so please forgive me. All that said, enjoy!

The room was lit by a single candle, the dreary day and the rain outside the rattling glass window not making the bedroom any brighter or more inviting. And yet it was a sanctuary that both men knew would soon be broken. Because this, their relationship… it had to end. Nothing good could come of this continuing. It was wrong, illegal, obviously no one could find out and if they did… Robert was distracted by Aaron’s thumb running up the grove of muscle in his thigh. His touch sure, solid, determined. Robert moaned, jaw hanging open slightly as Aaron’s hand pulled his leg out of the way, the rough calluses almost igniting Robert’s passion all the more. This man was not gentle or careful, one of the things that had attracted Robert to him in the first place. He was dangerous and forbidden and… once he got to know Aaron more, passionate, loving and completely irresistible.

“We can’t go on like this,” Robert said, pulling away in the small space Aaron’s bed allowed him. Not that he actually wanted to go far. “This can’t carry on, you must know that.”

“I do,” Aaron said with a sigh. “Every time I see you, I tell myself it’s the last time, but…” he swallowed uncomfortably. “I can’t seem to stop myself.”

“We’ve both got too much to lose,” Robert said. He turned on his side and held Aaron, even in the current conversation, he wanted to be touching him. “It has to end. You need to go, marry a quiet country girl, and I’ll go back to my wife and we… will forget this ever happened.”

“You know that can’t happen,” Aaron said under his breath. But Robert heard.

“I’m taking dangerous risks in meeting you these days,” Robert said. “It’s only a matter of time before we’re caught. And if we’re caught…”

“We go to prison,” Aaron said. “I know. Or, I get transported to the colonies, you go to prison until you can pay your bail, then settle down with your oblivious little wife who will have been publicly shamed.”

“You paint such a wonderful picture,” Robert said sarcastically.

“Robert, I’m not a fool. There is no world in which we get a happy ending,” Aaron said. He wasn’t sad about it, it was just a fact of life. He’d gone into this _thing_ with Robert with his eyes wide open. He wasn't a naive teenager. And at the start, the risk had been not a little part of the thrill. Now it was a creeping fear that this secret would be discovered and ruin them both. “All right,” Aaron agreed. “This is the last time. But light a few more candles.”

“Hm?”

“If this really is it, I want to see you properly,” Aaron said. Robert grinned and kissed him gently, enjoying the rasp of stubble against his face. “Plus, seeing the “lord of the manor” getting up and lighting his own candles kind of does it for me.” Robert had a retort on his tongue, but it faded when he saw Aaron’s cheeky grin. To see Aaron looking that light and happy made any snappy joke he had die on his lips. Robert got up and added a few more candles to the bed side cabinets.

“Are they the last?” Aaron asked, seeing the empty box.

“Mm.”

“Damn,” Aaron said. “Can’t afford more.” Robert hesitated, about to blow out the ones he’d just lit, save the wax for the approaching winter but Aaron shook his head. “No. I meant it, I want to see you. Come here.” The humour had gone, the lust and want now clear, almost in the air between them. Robert did as Aaron asked, straddling his body before sinking into a kiss.

They became so distracted with each others bodies and moans that they didn’t hear the catch on the front door go, they didn’t hear the footsteps of a woman climbing the stairs. They were only aware of company when Chastity Dingle let out a quiet high pitched cry at finding the estate owner on top of her son. Robert and Aaron parted, faces aghast in fear at the intruder, breathing heavily. Chas’s eyes were popping in her head, standing completely immobile. This was something she hadn’t expected to walk in on, not even in her nightmares.

Robert became aware of Aaron pushing at his chest, trying to get Robert off of him, trying to stop the inevitable fall out he expected to be coming. “Robert, wake up and move!” Aaron snapped. Robert did, almost falling off the bed in his haste. Chas had gone, racing down the stairs.

“Aaron, you have to stop her!” Robert gasped. “If she talks…”

“I know!” Aaron said, grabbing his clothes and covering up before following after his mother. This could never get out.

 


	2. 5 Months Earlier - March

This was the part of Robert’s job he liked to do. A tenant wasn’t paying his rent, the tenant would have to be removed. Of course, Robert Sugden was required to give them a warning, and he could have had one of his servants do it. But he preferred the option of threatening his tenants in person, be intimidating so they would know he was serious. This particular household hadn’t paid any rent for four months now. Robert had let it go because the main worker in the household, Gordon Livesy had suddenly died before Christmas. And with a poor harvest it wasn’t like Robert could find some new tenants to pay for the farmland instantly, so he’d given the Dingle’s a grace period. Chastity Dingle and Gordon Livesy had _scandalously_ never married, but (as far as Robert’s memory went) they had two children. The eldest probably wasn’t much of a child any more, Robert thought to himself. And would be man of the house now Gordon had died. Well, let’s remind the boy who was in charge around here.

“I’m going down to Beckingdale farm,” Robert announced to his wife mid morning. Chrissie was sat having tea with her friend in the drawing room, a friend whose name Robert had forgotten as soon as he was told it.

“Oh?” Chrissie asked.

“They’ve not paid their rent,” Robert reminded her. He must have had this discussion with her half a hundred times in the last few months.

“Ah yes,” Chrissie said. “Couldn’t a manservant do that?”

“They could,” Robert agreed. “I want to see them in person. So I’m taking the carriage and the horses this morning.”

“Very well darling,” Chrissie said, though her attitude said she didn’t approve. As the man of the house, Robert could do what he damn well liked with their carriage, and she knew it, but he didn’t want to make life difficult for himself with a wife who was annoyed. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” Robert promised. A brighter smile affixed itself to Chrissie’s face and Robert sighed internally with relief. Robert excused himself and left, enjoying the fresh air and the first few rays of Spring sunshine. He debated for a moment changing clothes and riding his horse down to the farm. The fresh air would be welcome. But no. He wanted to be intimidating, and a sweat covered horse and bedraggled rider didn’t give that impression. He left the big house with a driver, in the carriage to take him to the farm.

* * *

 

The farm was only two miles into the valley, and yet they’d barely gone a mile when the carriage jerked, one of the wheels catching on a divot in the track road. Robert got out and sighed, seeing the wheel having come off its spoke completely. Not just come off, it had sheared the bloody thing in two. If this was fixed today it’d be a miracle.

“I uh…” his driver said as the horses snorted at being stopped. Robert stroked a hand down each of their faces, calming them slightly. “I’ll go into the village and get help,” the driver said unhelpfully.

“You do that,” Robert snapped. “I’ll see if I can fix it.”

“But sir…”

“My hands aren’t totally useless Edward,” Robert said with irritation. “Go.” The driver left and Robert took his jacket off, rolling his sleeves up to have a proper look at the wheel. Before he’d charmed the daughter of the estate manager, he’d been a farm boy. A rather rich farm boy, but he had married well, using his charm and arrogance to land a Lord’s daughter. Her father refused to provide a dowry, refused to even give them ownership of the house what with the difference in their class, but Robert hadn’t cared. Up to now it had worked perfectly, his grand plan. A few years and a couple of children later, and he’d be exactly where he should be. Lawrence would be persuaded to sign the property deeds over. But it meant he had a working knowledge of things that most men in his position didn’t. And he knew that wheel was going to take a lot longer than an hour or two to fix, a replacement axel was needed on the undercarriage. 

“Great,” Robert said. He gave the loose wheel a kick of anger.

“That won’t fix it.” Robert looked up to see a man stripped down to his undershirt in the bright Spring sunshine, watching him almost amused. Robert did not like to be a laughing stock, so this put him in a particularly bad mood.

“Have you got a bright idea that will fix it?” Robert snapped.

“If the _Lord of the manor_ consents to have a poor fellow like me touch his precious carriage, I’ll have a look and let you know.” Robert stood there with disbelief. No one spoke to him like that. But he nodded, because it wasn’t like this stranger could make things worse. The man got on his knees in the dirt, and instantly put his hands to the spoke, giving it a critical look.

“Hardly seems fair,” Robert said, watching the flex of muscles in Aaron’s forearms, the subtle ripples of movement that should not be so hypnotising. “You know who I am, and I have no idea about you.”

He looked at Robert sharply. “Aaron Dingle. I live on your land, you should know who I am.” Ah. How inconvenient. 

“I know who you are by name,” Robert said. “Not by your face.” The man Robert was attempting to press overdue rent out of. Robert had thought he was a boy, barely out of the school room. But no, this… he was definitely a man, and that threw him for a second. Not the person he expected to meet.

“Have you got a belt?” Aaron said.

“Excuse me?”

“Belt,” Aaron repeated. “I think I can get it moving again, but I need something to lash the axel to it.”

“Use yours,” Robert said, using this opportunity to graze his eyes up and down Aaron’s form.

“I only own one,” Aaron said. “I need mine. I daresay you have two dozen more up at the Big House.” Robert seethed, but could tell from the set of Aaron’s shoulders that he wasn’t going to get out of this one. Robert took his belt off, hating making himself even marginally more vulnerable in front of this stranger he was meant to be intimidating. He passed the worn leather over to the younger man with reluctance. But Aaron quickly got to work without any resentment.

“Can you take the weight of the carriage?” Aaron asked breathlessly. Robert did, knowing Aaron was helping him out. It strained his forearms, it having been some time since he had done much physical work. Probably getting a little out of shape actually. Then Aaron almost gasped with success. The wheel was taking the weight now, with the impromptu repair Aaron had done.

“I’d walk it back if I were you,” Aaron suggested. “And a carpenter needs to see it, that won’t hold up for long.”

“So I'm stranded here?” Robert said, not relishing the prospect of walking back up to the house from this distance.

“Ride a horse,” Aaron said easily, nodding at the two standing there patiently at the front of the carriage.

“You can’t ride a draught horse,” Robert said with a scowl. “They’re trained for carrying machinery and carriages, not for riding!”

“Sorry,” Aaron said with a shrug. “Us lower classes make do with what we’ve got. We don’t get to be so picky.” Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, hard. It wasn’t the walk back up to the house that bothered him so much, as returning to Chrissie in disgrace. It would embarrass him that he couldn’t even take a carriage without turning it into a drama.

“I was actually coming down to your farm,” Robert said, wanting to put off his immediate problem. “Your family’s overdue on the rents.” Aaron paled instantly, and Robert got a brief moment of satisfaction at the look. “I can’t let you live there rent free forever.”

“No, sir,” Aaron said, Robert noting this was the first time he’d been given his title by the young man. “I… I know it’s overdue but it’s been a bad winter,” Aaron said. He was regretting his earlier cheek, Robert could tell. “We’re nearly in lambing season, then we’ll be able to get things moving and pay you your rent.”

“Mm,” Robert said. “Well, seeing as you’ve just helped me out, I can give you a small extension.”

“Thank you,” Aaron said fervently. “I er… I do have a riding horse stabled at the farm. If you needed it to get back home and…”

“No,” Robert said, cutting him off. He much preferred a sarcastic and witty Aaron to this version of a subservient young man. “I’ll walk. My boots have touched the dirt before today.” Aaron’s eyes sparkled, but it looked like he didn’t know if he was allowed to laugh at the joke or not. “I won’t add on the price for the belt to your bill,” Robert added. That did get a lip twitch. “Relax, Aaron. I’m not evicting you yet.”

“Okay,” Aaron said, pretending he didn’t enjoy the way his name rolled off Robert’s tongue. “Thank you.”

“Come on Georgina,” Robert said under his breath, touching the nose of the horse. “Going to turn you two around, come on.” Robert clicked his tongue and the two horse followed his lead, Robert making a wide circle before going back home. Aaron watched him leave, hands still stinging from the physical job he’d just done, the scrape of the wood against his palms. It was that, he told himself, that was leaving a lasting impression. No more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those of you who're giving this a chance! In this AU, Aaron and Liv are full siblings here, just to make things a little less complicated.

“Mum!” Aaron called when he got home. He found her at the stove, looking bone tired and weary even when she forced a smile on her face.

“What is it?” she asked, seeing from Aaron’s face something was wrong. Aaron hesitated, then mentally took it back. He wouldn’t tell her about bumping into Robert Sugden and the demand of rent. She knew it was overdue as well as he did. Knew they were toeing the dangerous line and he shook his head. It wasn’t worth the dire reminder.

“Nothing. Where’s Liv?”

“Probably down by the river,” Chas said, returning to cooking the dinner. “She doesn’t like that cleaning job in the village.”

“We’ve all got to pitch in,” Aaron said exasperated, though he hated seeing his young sister working to cover their needs for food.

“She says you get an easier ride of it,” Chas said.

“Tell her that when I’m sleeping in the shed next week,” Aaron grumbled. Because things were incredibly tight, they’d decided that someone needed to be on hand at all times for the lambing, in case things went wrong. Every lamb that survived the birthing was a little more money for the pot, a little more to make up the shortfall. It would be worth a few sleepless nights, and it had fallen to Aaron to do it. He’d done lambing before, so he knew what to do, and they didn’t have the money to hire a farm hand. Though they would have to at the harvest time, if they survived that long, that is.

“I’ll talk to her,” Aaron said.

“This isnt the life I wanted for you both,” Chas said. “You should find a nice girl, settle down.”

“Mum, we’ve had this discussion,” Aaron said tiredly. “And anyway, we don’t have enough for another mouth to feed.”

“Well, no,” Chas said. “But I don’t think some fun would do you any harm.” She had a smile on her face, the smile Aaron remembered from the old times, when things were easier.

“Are you suggesting I get up to no good with Jane or Emily?” he said slyly.

“You’re only young once,” Chas said with a wink. Aaron laughed and went to find Liv.

* * *

 

It didn’t take long, Liv was sat in her usual spot on the riverbank, her feet dipped into the water which must be freezing. “Hi Liv,” Aaron said, sitting next to her.

“Hi,” she grumbled.

“Is the new job terrible?” Aaron asked, cutting to the chase.

“No,” she said. “I shouldn’t complain. A few of the village girls are considering going to work at the brothel in Hotten.” That stopped Aaron, because Liv was only fifteen, and her friends weren’t much older.

“Liv…”

“Warm bed and free food,” Liv said with a shrug. “It’s been such a long hard winter, it’s not a bad idea for some girls.”

“Liv, don’t _ever_ think that’s an option for you,” Aaron said sternly. “We’re not nearly that bad.”

“I see mum crying,” Liv said. “I know it’s bad.”

“We’ll manage,” Aaron said firmly.

“But…”

“We’ll manage,” Aaron repeated. “Now, you’re giving me a perfect opportunity.”

“For what?” Liv asked confused. Aaron grinned and pushed her into the river.

“Aaron!” she squealed when she came up for air, splashing in the stream. Aaron let her grip his ankle and pull him in after her. For a little while, it was good to be young.

* * *

 

The carriage had been fixed. Robert’s belt had been completely ruined, and yet he felt a little loathe to throw the damaged leather away. He was being stupid, he knew. He couldn’t even put it into words why Aaron Dingle was on his mind so much, but the young man was. The sparkle in his blue eyes, the flex of his upper body. No. Robert wasn’t stupid, he knew he was attracted to men as well as women, but it was something he made sure not to even look at. He wasn’t stupid enough to even think of anything like that on his own doorstep. He had only indulged in his specific… _tastes_ when safely in the anonymity of London. There were discrete spaces where you could safely allow yourself those pleasures, without fear of recrimination. But now he was settled in Yorkshire, far away from the city. That option did not exist to him, and Aaron Dingle was not an option. His rational mind knew that, and yet he still couldn’t sleep. He needed a distraction, he needed something to take the edge off, and as that thought occurred to him, he got out of bed and sought his wife.

Chrissie was a very light sleeper. He knew opening her bedroom door would wake her, and she only pretended sleep when she didn’t want him. Tonight, she was faking sleep, which meant she wasn’t in the mood for sex. He knew some men who wouldn’t even take into account their wife’s emotions, but he wasn’t one of them. Whoever his partner was, he needed them to be completely willing. Robert went back to his room and dressed in his riding gear. Sleep wasn’t coming tonight, and some fresh air would be welcome.

* * *

 

His horse wasn’t pleased at the midnight jaunt, but Robert gave him an extra treat before jumping up into the saddle. It took a few minutes, but Robert’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. There was little light at all, beyond the stars, no gas lamps, no candles lighting windows in the distance. Robert knew these fields well, he’d grown up here. Until going off to London to seek his fortune in his early twenties, but some things didn’t leave you. He still knew the pathways over the land that was now his. (Or Lawrence’s, but Robert wasn’t one to quibble.)

Robert soon found himself by coincidence on the farmland that the Dingles were currently renting. And for the first time that night, he saw light, and he followed it. The sounds coming from the approaching shed were very loud, breaking the silence of the night air with distinctly animal noises. Robert’s horse whickered and the distraction and Robert ran a hand through his mane gently. “Easy there,” Robert murmured.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Robert jerked, hearing a voice from the darkness and he kept his horse under control with difficulty.

“Aaron?” he asked, recognising the voice.

“Get away from here!” Aaron snapped.

“It’s my land,” Robert replied, annoyed. “I can be here if I want.”

“Get the horse away from here now,” Aaron said through gritted teeth, clearly wound up. “I have fifty ewes who’re lambing or about to start, they don’t need to be jittery from sensing a horse nearby! Stable it down the hill if you have to be here!” Robert now understood what Aaron was getting at, and he turned the horse around, following Aaron’s advice without even thinking about it. Once Robert had made sure his horse was secured (the other horses not too happy having their nights rest disturbed) he walked up the hill back to the shed where Aaron clearly was, seeing the lamps lit. He shouldn’t be here, had no reason to be here, but he opened the door to the shed anyway. The sheep were bleating away, and Aaron didn’t even hear him approach, too focused on the job at hand.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mention guns in this chapter, and while they were around in Victorian times I couldn't find much info on what type, so I've left that vague on purpose. Thank you for the encouragement on this AU!

 

Aaron let out a small smile as the second lamb was delivered from the same ewe with no intervention from him. Generally, mother nature did a good enough job with the sheep, but occasionally there was a problem, which was why Aaron was on stand by. “Didn’t think you’d come in,” Aaron said to Robert who approached him, leaning against the fence and looking into the pen.

“I don’t have many invitations at one in the morning,” Robert said. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“I’ll take your goose feather mattress instead then,” Aaron quipped. “Don’t think I’d have trouble sleeping on that. Or I would if I didn’t fear what I’d come back here to here. No sheep left, I'm guessing.”

“I could handle a few sheep,” Robert said. Aaron spluttered with amusement.

“Sure you could.”

“Not quite sure what the guns here for though,” Robert said, nodding to the corner, the long barrel resting against the wall of the shed. Aaron shrugged.

“For the foxes,” Aaron said. “If they catch the scent of blood… well, I’m not risking it. Foxes would tear through the lot of them.” Aaron caught the way Robert was looking at the gun, almost with fear. “Not a fan of guns?”

“No,” Robert said. “They’re unpredictable and make me… nervous.” Aaron said nothing, but Robert was grateful that he let the subject drop. But for some reason, Robert carried on anyway. He rolled the shirt sleeve of his left forearm up, showing Aaron the puckered scar tissue from a bullet wound, covering quite a large area. It also had damaged part of his abdomen, but he wasn’t about to show Aaron that. “My brother,” Robert explained. “It was all… childish jealousy over some girl, and he took it way too far, stealing our dad’s gun, but… yes, I don’t like guns.”

Aaron recognised that he was offering him a show of vulnerability, so he didn’t want to take advantage of it. “I’ve never left Yorkshire,” Aaron said quietly. “Always wanted to go to London, you know. What’s it like?”

“Last couple of years it’s been… alive,” Robert said. It had been, Queen Victoria only just having come to the throne, young and bringing a new era with her. It almost infected the capital, and the spirit had improved markedly in the last two years or so, whenever Robert found the time to visit. “It’s never quiet there. Not like here when the sun goes down and everyone shuts up shop.” Aaron smiled slightly.

“Except for the alehouse,” Aaron said.

“Yes,” Robert agreed with a smile. Both men became distracted by a loud bleat from one of the sheep. Aaron moved quickly, following the noise to find one of them in distress. While he’d been talking to Robert, she’d already delivered two lambs and was struggling with the third. Aaron stepped over the fence, Robert following, watching as Aaron got stuck in.

“Need some help?” Robert suggested.

“Yeah, right,” Aaron said under his breath, needing all his attention.

“I didn’t always sit drinking tea up at the “big house”,” Robert said, taking his jacket off and stepping over the fence. “I’ve worked on a farm before, I could be a help.” Aaron ignored him completely until the third lamb was successfully here, though the ewe still seemed out of it, making enough bloody noise too. Robert ran his sure hands over her and groaned.

“She’s got another one coming too,” Robert said.

“Four?!” Aaron said in disbelief. “No, she can’t. She can't keep four alive.”

“Well, while you argue about it…” Robert said. He got out of the pen and looked around the shed, searching for a sheep with a single lamb. Which he found and he quickly sunk his fingers into the wool of the mother, trying to get her scent on him. Aaron knew what he was trying to do, and touched the fourth lamb as little as possible as it was delivered.

“Robert…” Aaron called urgently after a few minutes.

“Hang on,” Robert said, coming back. He picked up the straw covered lamb without preamble and tried to get the foster mother used to her scent. Robert watched warily, waiting as the new lamb found her feet. Aaron joined him, waiting, but the mother didn’t kick the new lamb away as she started feeding, and Robert grinned with success.

“Okay,” Aaron said begrudgingly. “You’re not completely useless.”

“Thanks,” Robert said. “I think.” Robert moved to the water trough to wash his hands, and Aaron stood admiring the curve of his back against the white shirt he wore. The way his skin moved underneath the fabric. The way his riding breeches clung to his… Aaron looked away, embarrassed and face hot. He shouldn’t be looking at any man like that and certainly not his landlord. It must be the lateness of the hour, and lack of sleep doing things to his brain. Robert turned back to him, a frown on his face. Almost curious and Aaron’s face burned brighter. He was very glad Robert couldn’t read his mind.

“What’s wrong?” Robert asked.

“Nothing,” Aaron said. “You can go, you don’t have to be here. I know it’s hard work and…”

“Do you always ramble when you’re nervous?” Robert asked, cutting him off. Aaron sighed and looked at the straw covered floor. “I have a flask of whisky in my jacket if you want some.”

“You’d share?”

“If you’re nice to me,” Robert said and Aaron had not imagined the lower tone of his voice, teasing almost. But Aaron watched as Robert fished a metal flask out of his jacket and handed it over. Aaron unscrewed the top and inhaled the whisky, fighting back from groaning. This was good stuff, not the two pence a shot of swill that was served in the village. 

“You always go out riding with alcohol?” Aaron asked.

“No,” Robert said. “You always share your bed with sixty sheep?”

“Very funny,” Aaron said, sitting down and leaning against the wall of the shed. He took a deep drink from the flask before handing it back. “Thanks.” Robert followed suit and drank too. Aaron was not closely watching the movement of his lips one little bit. Like hell he wasn't.

“Just to be personal,” Robert started, feeling a little anxious for asking, but he was too curious. He had to know. “Have you got a sweetheart in the village?” Aaron scoffed.

“No,” Aaron said. “Bit old for all that.” He was, and it hadn’t interested him at the time, no matter how many times Jenny Murray fluttered her eyelashes at him. “What, am I supposed to want a pretty little farm wife? My hands are full as it is.”

“Okay,” Robert said lightly. “Just… knowing a bit more about my tenants.”

“That’s not the reason,” Aaron said surely, studying him with an unwavering gaze. “Is it?”

“No.” Robert’s eyes dropped to Aaron’s mouth, watching him bite his lip. Robert moved and touched Aaron’s lip, caught a drop of whisky on his index finger which he then licked delicately. Robert watched Aaron’s eyes follow his tongue and he felt a little bit of hope. For a few seconds it was as if Aaron couldn’t breathe. Robert moved closer, slowly, their lips only an inch or two apart but he wouldn’t make the last move. He’d made it as obvious as he dared that he was interested in Aaron, Aaron would have to be the one to make that last move. Aaron did, just tilting his head upwards, but it was enough. Their lips touched, and Aaron was lost. Robert’s mouth tasted of whisky and spice, delicious and Aaron couldn’t stop himself, he didn’t want to. Aaron tentatively brushed his tongue against Robert’s and the instant replying lust in his body surprised him. Robert’s large hands were framing his face, the kiss never ending as he pushed Aaron flat against the ground, covering his body with his own. Aaron’s body arched upwards towards Robert’s by instinct, before his common sense caught up with him.

“No,” Aaron said, turning his head, scrambling away from being pinned under Robert‘s body, the fear on his face so clear. “This is wrong, it has to stop.”

Robert’s entire body was screaming “no!” This felt so right, and it took a serious strength of will to pull his body away from Aaron’s, to not beg for more, who in spite of his words, was obviously willing and wanting for him. But he’d leave Aaron wanting more, playing the long game. “Okay,” he said lightly, getting up off the straw. “I’ll leave you to your… entertaining night alone.” Robert didn’t look back as he left the shed to collect his horse, but he felt fairly certain Aaron didn’t stop watching him once until the door closed.


	5. Chapter 5

**April**

Aaron did not see Robert for the rest of March, and if he were being paranoid, he’d think Robert was avoiding him. Except it was rare for Robert Sugden to visit the farms and tenants in the first place, which made the midnight visit a few weeks ago even more remarkable. It was in the cold light of day that Aaron realised how odd that had been. He hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, his mother wouldn’t believe it anyway. And it didn’t even enter his head to mention that kiss. The kiss Aaron couldn’t stop thinking about. Half of him thought he’d imagined it. Because it couldn’t have happened for so many reasons. It was wrong. And yet it felt so good, so right. Like for those few seconds, his life had snapped into focus and he knew what he wanted. Which was for Robert to never stop touching him. But he didn’t live in a fantasy, he knew it was just a one off, it had to be.

When Chas managed to collect some of the rent together, Aaron volunteered to take it up to the House shockingly quickly. It wasn’t the done thing at all, but Aaron couldn’t pass up a reasonable excuse to see Robert again. He didn’t think of the fact that his sort weren’t seen up there, he didn’t think of Robert’s wife, bound to be around the house, he couldn’t think of anything beyond the fact it had been three weeks since his lips touched Roberts.

Chas didn’t ask. She was glad of one less thing to worry about as Aaron took the two mile walk up to Home Farm. The journey gave Aaron plenty of time and reasons to think this was an incredibly bad idea, an idea that shouldn’t happen. He should wait for Robert to find him. After all, with their rent owing, it wouldn’t take long for the landlord to come to him. When the house appeared in front of him, Aaron had changed his mind. He shouldn’t be here. The house was imposing, far too big for the two people Aaron knew lived there and he shook his head, turning around to walk home. Mistake. A lot of things involving Robert Sugden seemed to have that word in it, Aaron mused. 

He cut across the fields, back home and then saw a carriage on the road in the distance. Unless it was a visitor to the village, that would be Robert or his wife. No one local had the kind of money to be driven like that, except for the Sugdens. What drew Aaron’s attention was that it had pulled to a stop, and as he got closer he saw that both of them were arguing. Loudly, and certainly not in a way that was dignified. He also wasn’t the first villager to have noticed and be eavesdropping either, two of the Barton boys completely ignoring their cows in the adjoining field, to focus on the argument.

“… have to be there!” Chrissie shouted. “My sister’s engaged, I can’t miss it!”

“I never said _you_ couldn’t go!” Robert shouted back. “I said I didn’t want to leave and go to London!”

“Why?!” Chrissie said desperately. “You love London, and I can hardly make an appearance by myself! We’ve barely been married a year, what will it look like!”

“How about we have this conversation somewhere the entire village isn’t listening!” Robert said, surveying his hand to the gathering crowd. Crowd being a subjective term, now there were about five or six people listening in.

“Fine!” Chrissie shouted. She got back into the carriage, but before Robert could follow suit, she shut the door and the horses trotted off. Leaving Robert watching after it and the Barton’s laughing at him.

“Under the thumb are we?” Ross Barton said to Robert. He ignored that, but Robert’s glare was enough to make everyone get moving. Everyone except for Aaron who stood perfectly still watching Robert. Robert caught sight of him and his eyes flicked in a way Aaron understood to mean “not here.” Aaron shrugged, saying fine and walked away, knowing Robert was following, and getting a little thrill out of it. Aaron stopped and turned once they were alone, watching Robert approach him.

“What?” Aaron said.

“Got a kick out of watching that did you?” Robert asked, angry and annoyed, Aaron could see it.

“Don’t care about your marital problems, mate,” Aaron said. Chrissie was not his business.

“Just a coincidence you happened to be there, then?” Robert scowled.

“I’ve got the rent,” Aaron said. “Or most of it. Didn’t want to be in debt to you for longer than absolutely necessary.” Aaron took the small bag of coins out of his pocket and threw it to Robert, who caught it. “Didn’t want to get in your way." Robert sighed, still angry." Not going down to London then?” Aaron added. He couldn’t resist.

“No,” Robert said. “We’d be gone for six weeks or so, doing the society circles which Chrissie insists on and…” he looked at Aaron levelly, keeping his gaze steady. “I can’t be away from here for that long.”

“Why?” Aaron pushed.

“I think you know why,” Robert said lowly. Aaron looked down at the ground, but he didn’t turn away. “Why did you run from me that night?”

“Robert…”

“Tell me the truth, I can take it,” Robert said.

Aaron spoke as honestly as he could. “I don’t do that. I’ve never done that before, kissed a man and…” Aaron gave up, embarrassed by talking about this. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Robert said. He reached and took Aaron’s hand gently, and he didn’t pull away, letting their fingers intertwine instead. Robert enjoyed the touch of his skin, cool hands, rough skin. Aaron probably had the strength to break him in two if he wanted to. Robert took a risk and he dipped his head to kiss him softly. Aaron let him, but only for a second. They were too out in the open here, the middle of a field and anyone could see them.

“Not here,” Aaron breathed. Robert caught his meaning, looking around in the fresh air and nodded. He followed Aaron eagerly, knowing where he was going, the bottom of the valley where they couldn’t be seen by anyone. As soon as they were covered by the slight protection of the trees, Robert pulled Aaron to him forcefully. Any hesitation from the first kiss they’d shared was long gone, the weeks apart seeming to make Aaron realise what he wanted.

“Going to panic again?” Robert breathed against Aaron’s kiss red lips.

“No,” Aaron said. “Not this time.” Robert grinned into another kiss, this one more passionate, more desperate as hands fumbled between both men, trying to touch anything they could do. Feeling the strong muscles under Aaron's shirt, the thrilling difference. The sensation of more as Aaron's fingernails scraped the back of his neck as the kiss went on and on, and deliciously on. It was when Aaron’s fingertips started stroking Robert’s bare spine, hand pushed up the back of his shirt that both men paused.

“How are you all right with this?” Aaron asked, marvelling at the lack of hesitation in Robert. “This is wrong.”

“Feel wrong, does it?” Robert asked, enjoying Aaron’s teasing touch immensely, his fingers following the bumps of his spine, making Robert shiver. He may never have touched a man before, but Aaron sure wasn’t shy.

“No, but…”

“Then who cares,” Robert said. “As long as no one finds out, it’s none of their business. Right?” Aaron didn’t think it would be that easy, but he wanted to touch Robert too much right now to think about the long term effects. All that mattered was tasting Robert again. everything else could wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Neither man had been able to stop himself, stripping each other bare and enjoying their bodies, sighing with pleasure and bliss at the sensations running through them. Aaron’s body had reacted by instinct, just allowing himself to enjoy whatever felt good, but now it was over and his rational brain was kicking in. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. It was illegal, wrong, it couldn’t have happened. Robert’s head was pillowed on his bare stomach, under the trees with the distant sound of a river flowing through the valley. And now they’d stopped moving, Aaron could feel the cool air seeping into his bones, Robert’s hands wrapped around his hips. Too possessive of him, too intimate.

“Aaron, it’s okay,” Robert said quietly, seeing that he was about to slip into a full scale panic, looking up at him.

“No,” Aaron said, shaking his head, trying to get up, to run. Robert moved roughly, pinning Aaron to the ground to stop him from running away, to try and make him calm down, let go of the fear currently overtaking him.

“Calm down,” Robert said, keeping his hands firmly on Aaron‘s shoulders. “We’re alone, completely alone. No one needs to know about this.”

Aaron breathed in deeply several times, forcing himself to try and let go of the panic. “You’ve done that before.”

“Yes,” Robert said, releasing his grip now he saw Aaron wasn’t going to bolt. Or not instantly at any rate. “I know what I like,” he added, completely unashamed.

“But…”

“Aaron, it’s fine,” he said. “It’s not like I’m going to mention it to anyone, I’d be in as much danger as you.” That was so obviously true that it allowed Aaron’s breathing to level out. He reached for his clothes, covering himself up but slower, now a little more calm. His body was aching completely from what they’d just shared, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was (God forgive him) that nothing in his life had ever felt that good. It was as if he was being woken up from a dream to find that Robert’s touch was the most real thing he’d ever experienced. His lips, his body was the only thing that mattered.

“I have to go,” Aaron said, his mind in complete turmoil. How could something be wrong and feel so damn good at the same time? 

“Go,” Robert said, feeling a little disappointed. “Find me when you’ve stopped talking yourself out of it. And Aaron?” The man turned and looked at him at the edge of the trees. “No one can know, so keep your mouth shut.” Nothing Aaron planned on doing more. He would never breathe to a soul what he and Robert had just done.

* * *

 

Aaron couldn’t sleep, his body still aching from Robert’s touch. It wasn’t the fact he’d had sex with a man that was bothering him. No, everyone’s entitled to a few mistakes in life. The problem was… it felt good. It had felt so good that it was a serious struggle to remember that it was against the law. Aaron had never understood his boyhood friends fascination with girls as they were growing up, it made no sense to him. And being so passionate with Robert had brought a new realisation to him. He now got it. He now understood the kind of passion that made people want to runaway together, his problem was it was with the wrong gender. And even if it hadn’t been, like the Lord of the Manor would ever slum it with him for long. No, he must just be some distraction. Nothing more. He didn’t know Robert was having a restless nights sleep as well.

* * *

 

Five days later, Aaron had the house to himself. It was an almost day off for him, the first one in months. His mother had walked to the market in Hotten, to buy a few essentials they were out of, and Liv was earning her keep by cleaning the Woolpack alehouse and its adjoining rooms. So Aaron had the house to himself, and that probably wouldn’t happen again for months. Sure, he could be out fixing fences, but it was a grey cloudy day, rain threatening, and he’d rather stay tucked up on the arm chair in front of the fire. He’d already fed all the animals, now it was time to put his feet up.

Or that was the plan, until a knock on the door came. Sighing, he opened it, seeing Robert, dressed in clothes Aaron would never be able to afford, he noticed. “I might not have answered,” Aaron said, in lieu of hello. “I should be out on the fields right now, what would you have done if my mum had answered the door?”

“Your mother isn't home,” Robert said surely.

“You’re watching the house?” Aaron said, trying to feel offended, not thrilled that Robert cared enough to catch him on his own.

“Can I come in?” Robert asked, glancing to the fields behind him. 

“Yeah,” Aaron said, moving aside. Neither of them wanted the gossip if he was spotted. Aaron took up his seat in the armchair, the only comfortable spot in the living room, leaving Robert to take a wooden chair. “What do you want?”

“After last week, you’re seriously asking that?” Robert said, shaking his head. “You enjoyed it, don’t lie to me or yourself.”

“Yeah, I did,” Aaron said. He had to be honest with Robert when he looked at him with those blue eyes, that beautiful face. “But it was a one off.”

“Doesn’t have to be,” Robert said. “Think about it, no one would know. And I want more,” he added in a low voice.

“We’re not all you,” Aaron countered. “Us poor folk don’t get what we want. Or not usually, anyway.”

“Aaron, I want you,” Robert said. Speaking so bluntly, Aaron couldn’t deny the answering want, need in his own body. When Robert wasn’t around, he could almost diminish his physical presence. But when he was in the same room as Aaron… Aaron knew he was lost. He’d do anything to keep Robert here for a few seconds, minutes, hours more if he could. Robert smirked, like he knew he had Aaron, and Aaron bristled. He didn’t want to appear available for the taking, like if Robert Sugden clicked his fingers, he’d be waiting.

Robert closed the distance between them, leaning over Aaron’s figure and kissing his lips slowly, softly. A promise of so much more if Aaron wanted it.

“This is such a mistake,” Aaron whispered. His breath rushing over Robert’s lips, looking up into his eyes, dark with lust.

“I know,” Robert agreed. “But it won’t stop me. Will it stop you?” Robert’s hand wandered, already feeling Aaron’s length hardening against his clothes, Aaron‘s breath hitching. He grinned again. “Bedroom,” Robert demanded. Aaron agreed instantly.


	7. Chapter 7

 

Aaron was far more relaxed this time. And because of that, he was a more open lover and their second time was much more memorable than the first. The tension that came to his body afterwards last time was missing, Robert noticed as Aaron twisted his head to kiss his chest. Robert shivered from the stubble against his skin.

“Am I getting ready to be kicked out?” Robert asked.

“Mm… I’ll think about it.” But Aaron’s tone was light, and Robert knew he didn’t mean it.

“Where’s your mum off to then?”

“Market,” Aaron replied. “Trying to barter some sheep’s wool for some tea leaves. I haven’t had a cup of tea in weeks,” he added regretfully. Robert felt a slight twitch of unease, because things like that didn’t even occur to him. Even when he had just been “a farmers son” his father had been rich, owning a great proportion of the land in the north of England. Running out of tea leaves wouldn’t have occurred to him.

“You can take some of mine,” Robert said. “We never go through all we have, in spite of Chrissie inviting every well to do friend of hers to afternoon tea.”

“No,” Aaron said, stubbornly in Robert’s opinion.

“Why?”

“Tea’s expensive,” Aaron said. “I’m not taking anything of money from you. Next thing you’ll be suggesting to let us off the rent.” The pause from Robert made Aaron scowl and get up in frustration, hunting for his shirt. “I am not a whore, Robert. You can’t buy my services! What, pay me to sleep with you?!” Aaron covered up with his shirt quickly, having found it in a pile on the wooden floor boards with the rest of his clothes, pulling them back on.

“No, I didn’t mean…”

“Think I‘ll feel indebted to you, so you can keep having your fun without your wife finding out?!”

“Aaron, no!” Robert shouted. “I meant that I don’t feel right taking money from you. Money you obviously need.”

“We’ve always been hard up,” Aaron said. “Don’t you go lording it about over us just because you married well and got lucky.”

“Aaron, calm down!” Robert said. “I wasn’t insulting you. I was just trying to… forget it.”

“Yeah?” Aaron said, studying him, as if questioning him. 

“Yes,” Robert said. “I was just trying to be nice. Clearly we’ll drop that one.”

“You can’t let us off the rent, Robert,” Aaron said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Fine,” Robert said, seeing the tension in Aaron’s shoulders. “How about you make some excuse next week?” 

“For what?”

“Chrissie leaves tomorrow for her sisters,” Robert said pointedly. “Taking all of the servants with her.”

“All of them?”

“Well, I’m keeping the cook,” Robert said. “Who’ll be pretty much chained to the kitchen, and there’s plenty of room so…”

“I can’t be away from the farm,” Aaron said, though he sounded like he regretted it. “I can’t stop the work, it needs doing, but…”

“But?” Robert tried hopefully.

“Could sneak off at night,” Aaron said. “If that’s not too sordid for you.”

“Well, I’d prefer you all day, but…” Robert said lowly. “I guess you being hot and sweaty from working on the fields could do it for me.” Aaron rolled his eyes and chucked a pillow at him, Robert laughing. The door downstairs went and both men looked at each other, paling. 

“Get dressed,” Aaron said briefly, racing down the stairs. Robert did, keeping an ear on the conversation. It was Liv, which seemed to be a better option than Chas. Easier to get rid of, in theory anyway.

“Why don’t we go up and see those black lambs you’re so fond of,” Aaron tried. She was child enough still to be able to be drawn by it, but adult enough to realise Aaron wanted rid of her.

“What’re you hiding?” Liv asked. Ah, she had her brothers directness then, Robert noticed, sliding his jacket on.

“Nothing,” Aaron said.

“So I’m supposed to ignore the extra horse in the stables am I?” Liv said. 

“Shit,” Robert whispered to himself. They’d have to be more careful in future.

“All right, it’s Adam,” Aaron said. “He’s had an argument with his girl, he got drunk and rode the ten miles here for a shoulder to cry on,” Aaron said, speaking quickly, getting in the flow of his lie now. “He’s a bit drunk, passed out in my bedroom. He’ll come around in a bit, go home with his tail between his legs. So lambs?”

“Yeah, all right then,” Liv said. Robert waited, hearing the door close, then looking out of the window, watching both of them cross the fields and out of sight, Aaron only glancing back at the house once. He had to get out of here, and he hurried to grab his horse and leave. It was too dangerous to stay.

* * *

 

Aaron snuck out when the house was asleep. He didn’t want the questions from his mother, though God knows how long he’d be able to keep it up. Chrissie apparently would be gone for six weeks, and Aaron knew that the attraction he felt for Robert wouldn’t stand up to any kind of restraint, staying away when he didn’t have to. Aaron gave Patch, the farms horse a carrot, and then rode him towards Robert’s, not thinking any further than that. They hadn’t arranged a specific day, he just knew that Chrissie had gone. Aaron had seen the coaches leave a couple of days before, Chrissie’s gloved hand appearing briefly at the window. 

So he knew Robert was alone up at the big house. Aaron stabled his horse at Home Farm before thinking of anything else, seeing how underfed Patch looked like next to Robert’s horses. Poor thing, Aaron thought bitterly.

“Couldn’t stay away?”

“Jesus!” Aaron gasped. Robert had moved silently, making Aaron almost jump out of his skin. “A bit of warning next time!” he snapped, hand over his heart.

“I’m sorry, I don’t always announce myself to strangers pawing through my stables.”

“You invited this stranger,” Aaron reminded. “Don’t you sleep?”

“Not well,” Robert admitted. “I’m glad you’re here.” He pulled Aaron into a kiss, softer and slower, knowing that they had zero chance of being interrupted.

* * *

 

Aaron didn’t have the time to feel uncomfortable in the luxurious surroundings, Robert was pulling his clothes off almost before he’d made it over the threshold. When their bodies were completely sated, Aaron was near to sleep, exhaustion, lust and a very soft mattress making it easy. And yet, Robert kept the lantern alight, and Aaron squinted at him.

“What’re you dong?”

“Reading,” Robert said. “I need to before I sleep. I can go to the spare room if the light bothers you.” Aaron shook his head. Entirely pointless to come over here for sex, human closeness and affection, just to spend the night apart.

“What’re you reading?”

“Oliver Twist. It‘s a new one doing the rounds in London.”

“What’s it about?” Aaron asked.

“Not got far into it yet,” Robert said. “Orphaned pickpocket so far. Workhouse. That kind of thing.”

“Oh, that sounds really uplifting and positive,” Aaron said sarcastically. Robert laughed into his hair.

“You could always read it and give me your opinion,” Robert said.

“No, I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, you could,” Robert said. “I’ve got so many books in the library that no one reads. Take whatever you fancy.”

“No, I mean, I couldn’t Robert,” Aaron said. “I can’t read.” The silence was very heavy and Aaron felt embarrassed by admitting it. He should have kept his mouth shut.

“But…”

“Forget it, Robert,” Aaron warned.

“Aaron…”

“My parents could barely afford rent when I was growing up. You think they had the spare cash to waste on my school masters?” Aaron asked. “It doesn’t matter, I get by. Please don’t make it a big deal.”

By Robert’s pause, Aaron could tell he was going to ignore him and make it a huge deal. Aaron stiffened, about to get up and leave, sleep far behind him now. But Robert’s arm was tight around his shoulders, not letting him move.

“Want me to read it to you?” Robert asked, voice measured and free of judgement.

“Robert…” Aaron said quietly. But he’d already lost his place in the book, flicking back to the beginning. Aaron stayed perfectly silent as he let the words and Robert’s voice wash over him. After a few minutes awkwardness, Aaron realised that Robert was making him feel special. And that was a dangerous hole to sink into, but Aaron was damned if he could stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I got to the bit I wanted to! Phew! Thank you so much for your encouragement on this so far, means so much to me that you're enjoying such an out there idea.


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron awoke and dressed in the morning, the barest hints of daybreak creeping into the room from the curtains that weren’t pulled.

“Where you going?” Robert asked as he rolled over in bed, voice slurred with tiredness.

“Back to my side of life now,” Aaron said, pulling his boots on. His coat was somewhere downstairs. “I don’t think I should come back here. It was a mistake.”

“You have to,” Robert said, sitting up and looking at Aaron like it was that simple.

“No, Robert, I don’t,” Aaron said. “I’m not coming here just because you want me to.”

“How about because you want to?” Robert said. “I know you do.”

“I can’t have you, Robert. You’re married, you’re a lord. I’m a farmer. Even if we lived somewhere that two men could possibly… do what we’re doing, how do you get over the rest of it? You can’t. So we should stop.”

“It’s my birthday next week,” Robert said quietly. “Or week after,” he admitted. “Can’t end this now.”

“Why not?” Aaron asked.

“Feels too good.” And that, Aaron had no argument to. It did feel so good, good enough to forget everything else around them for however long their snatched time together was. In fact, it was probably the first time in Aaron’s life that he’d done something purely for himself, that he’d got to be selfish. Seeing Robert wasn’t for the farm, or his family. It was because he wanted it, desperately.

“Okay,” Aaron said. “I need to see how Oliver Twist ends anyway.” Robert smiled, Aaron could catch it in the morning light. He’d allow himself this for a few more weeks. To enjoy Robert’s body for a little longer. It had an end date on it, this affair couldn’t last forever. Aaron leaned over him and kissed him, letting lips linger. It was a soft goodbye kiss that had Aaron’s pulse racing more than it should be this early in the day.

“See you,” Aaron said gruffly, getting off the bed.

“Tonight?”

“Tomorrow night,” Aaron said. He couldn’t sleep here every night, firstly someone would notice at home. Secondly, he’d get used to it, and he didn’t want to get used to something he couldn’t have.

“Bye,” Robert said, rolling over into sleep as Aaron left.

* * *

 

They slipped into a routine during the weeks Chrissie was away. Every second (or sometimes third) night, Aaron would slip away, ride over to Home Farm and spend the night with Robert. It did not get boring, it did not get old, and both men could still feel the thrill of excitement at the meetings. At the crack of dawn or just before, Aaron would wake and leave, ridiculously early. He wasn’t stupid enough to try and crawl back into his bedroom when his mum would be around, so he always claimed he’d got up to work early on those days. Aaron wasn’t sure he was believed. 

Every night they spent together, Robert would always read aloud at least a few pages from Oliver Twist, sometimes chapters. They were both enjoying it, but the enjoyment was starting to ring alarm bells for Robert. Because laying curled up in bed and reading to Aaron because he couldn’t read it for himself, that wasn’t lust or desire. That was blurring into affection and feeling, and that was a danger. He’d never felt much for any of his male partners in the past. Didn’t see them often enough to even start to develop feelings for them in the first place. But Aaron was different. And he liked reading to him, enjoyed it. Aaron was also challenging his own view, because he’d always been taught that illiterate people were stupid. Aaron was far from stupid, and Robert had known that from when he’d met him. Which was why, despite the difference in their class, it hadn’t occurred to him that Aaron wouldn’t be able to read. Robert was aware he was getting in too deep, but he wasn’t about to stop it either.

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Aaron threw his coat on, going down the stairs as quietly as he could.

“Out again?”

“God!” Aaron said, his mother having made him jump. She was sat on the armchair, in complete darkness apart from the distant glow of the banked fire. “Mum, you should be in bed!” Aaron snapped.

“Funny,” Chas said. “I was going to say the same to you. Where are you going?”

“I’m an adult.”

“You’re my son,” Chas said firmly. “Bearing in mind that your father went out at all hours of the day and night, gambling and drinking away whatever money we’d managed to hold on to, you can understand…”

“I’m not going to the alehouse,” Aaron said. “Check my pockets if you like, I’ve nothing to spend.”

“Then where are you going, Aaron?” she asked. He could see she was holding onto her temper with difficulty. Meanwhile Aaron couldn’t think up a reasonable lie. “Are you going off with some girl?!”

“Yes,” Aaron said, feeling that was probably safer than the truth.

“Then why’re you not courting her during the day?” Chas asked. “What’s with the secrecy?”

“She’s married,” Aaron said with a shake of his head.

“Aaron!”

“It’s fine,” Aaron said. “Er… husbands away for a few weeks,” he invented.

“How can you be so stupid?!”

“Skip the hour long sermon,” Aaron said, cutting her off. “I’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Well who is it?” Chas asked. “There aren’t that many women within walking distance…”

“I’m riding Patch,” Aaron said dismissively.

“How far?”

“Mum, drop it,” Aaron said. “I know what I’m doing.” Chas looked like she wanted to argue, but Aaron left the house for the stables as soon as he could manage.

* * *

 

He found Robert in the library, reading. A book that wasn’t Dickens, as he saved that for when he was with Aaron. Robert looked up from his book and closed it, smirking at him, eyes dark with lust. For the first time since he’d left his house, Aaron felt himself calming down. They weren’t quite desperate enough to start pulling each others clothes off, the way they had in the very beginning, so Robert nodded in the direction of the bedroom. Aaron ignored that, reaching into his coat pocket for a well worn deck of cards.

“Can you play?” Aaron asked, throwing them on the table.

“Yes,” Robert said. “Are we playing for money?”

“Sure,” Aaron said.

“I didn’t think you had money to waste.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Aaron said quietly. “Because I’m not losing.” Roberts smirk widened as he picked up the deck and started to shuffle. He liked a challenge.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to those who're sticking with this AU! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much! Oh, and in this universe, Gordon didn't abuse Aaron, but was a generally nasty person overall.

Robert woke to the sunlight streaming in his window and Aaron still asleep, much to his surprise. Aaron usually bolted out of necessity as soon as he could. This meant Robert got the chance to look at Aaron sleeping. He looked so much younger without a frown or a scowl across his features, and Robert was reminded of how young he actually was. Distantly, he wondered if Aaron had been a virgin before he came along. It was obvious he hadn’t been with men before from his panicked reaction the first time, but it was also a question Robert wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to.

“You’re still here,” Robert said quietly. Aaron’s eyes flicked open and he smiled.

“Not leaving until you pay me,” he said easily. Then realised what that could sound like, having had very enjoyable sex with him the night before. “I beat you at cards, you owe me three shillings.”

“How did you get to be so good?” Robert asked.

“What, because I’m illiterate I can’t have the intelligence to beat you at cards?” Aaron asked dully.

“That wasn’t what I meant,” Robert said. “You can obviously recognise the numbers and…” Aaron narrowed his eyes and Robert sighed. “Forget it. Clearly my tact hasn’t woken up this morning.”

“I need numbers to work on the farm,” Aaron said. “Counting livestock and measuring out feed, things like that. My father wasn’t going to teach me a skill I didn’t need. Oh, and obviously I need it for gambling with the local gentry.”

“You’ll get your three shillings,” Robert promised. “Why aren’t you leaving?”

“My mum knows,” Aaron said.

“What?!” Robert said in total fear.

“Caught me sneaking out last night.”

“Aaron!”

“No, no,” Aaron said quickly, trying to stop the tension in his body. “She knows I’m seeing someone. She thinks it’s one of the lonely married girls in the village, she’s got no idea it’s you. I’m just going to let her believe that, it’s easier.”

“She can’t have been happy,” Robert said, heart rate slowing down a little.

“No, she wasn’t,” Aaron agreed. “But I’m an adult so she has little say on who I spend my time with. But it does mean I don’t have to run out and leave at the first crack of dawn. Nothing to hide from her any more.”

“Okay,” Robert said. “Shall I ring the bell for breakfast then?” he asked, almost shyly. They didn’t do that, they didn’t risk the cook seeing Aaron at all.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, smiling a little. “Go ahead. Though how you‘re going to explain breakfast for two‘s a head scratcher.”

“It’s a class thing,” Robert said. “My wife’s been away for a few weeks, I could hardly expect to stay faithful, could I?” He spoke sarcastically and Aaron rolled his eyes.

“Remind me never to go to London and mix with those sorts of people,” Aaron said. “Different view of life.”

“Maybe,” Robert agreed. He rolled over and pinned Aaron to the bed, the younger man looking up at him cheekily. “Now, about those three shillings…” Aaron laughed, then closed his eyes, enjoying Robert’s lips on his neck far too much for this early in the morning.

* * *

 

“Where were you?” Aaron looked at Liv who was untying her apron from her cleaning, kicking her boots in the long grass while Aaron repaired a broken fence.

“Where was I when?” Aaron asked.

“Last night,” Liv said. “You weren’t home, you didn’t come back for breakfast and I haven’t seen you until now.” Aaron looked at the sky and realised it was getting quite late in the afternoon. He still had work to do though, he’d wasted far too much time in bed with Robert this morning. Damn Liv for being so perceptive.

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” he told her. “Don’t waste your time worrying about me.”

“Have you got a sweetheart?” Liv asked, the fake innocence on her face not fooling him for a second.

“Maybe something like that,” he said, as it was pointless arguing. Her innocence changed to her normal grin.

“What’s her name?”

“None of your business,” Aaron said, pointing the hammer at her. “Leave it alone.”

“Why?”

“Better that you should,” Aaron said. “Trust me.”

“Fine,” she said, folding her arms grumpily. “But I’ll tell mum.”

“Oi!” Aaron said. “First of all, she knows, second of all, you tell her and I may mention that Jacob Metcalfe came calling for you last week when you were at work.” Liv flushed red.

“That’s nothing.”

“Then we agree,” Aaron said. “Now hold this here while I hammer it in.”

“Fine,” Liv said. “But you hit my fingers and I’ll break your thumbs.” Aaron smiled, because that was more of the fiery sister he knew and loved.

* * *

 

**May 14th**

Robert felt his heart sink through the floor. He’d read the letter twice through and it wasn’t better a second time around. Chrissie was coming home, having said goodbye to her sister. And she was only likely to be a couple of days behind the letter announcing her presence. Where had the last few weeks gone? It felt like she’d only vanished for a few days. Then Robert realised, those days were gone with Aaron, spent in bed, sharing each others bodies, laughter and books. And now his wife was returning. He had known it would only be a brief affair, that was all Aaron was ever meant to mean. It was meant to burn out long before she returned, except it hadn’t.

Robert looked out the window, already seeing the sun hanging low over the horizon and he knew that tonight would have to be the last time. With Chrissie and the rest of the household staff around it was just too much of a risk to continue it. But ending it, even in his mind was a more difficult prospect than he ever thought possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the moment I am personally struggling, so I think I'm going on a writing hiatus. We will see how long that lasts though! Will get back to this at some point.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is taking longer to write than Fickle Fortune, probably because it's historical. But thank you to those who are still reading and interested in this. I may make a time jump at some point in the near future, we will see!

 

Aaron’s body was covered in sweat, having just enjoyed Robert immensely. God, each time he thought it couldn’t get better, or he remembered Robert as more physical, more intimate than he was in reality. But Aaron was wrong, each time he wanted so much more.

“This has to end,” Robert breathed, a hand on Aaron’s rib cage as if he needed to be touching him, fingers splayed, almost possessively.

“We’ve both been saying that on and off since we started,” Aaron reminded him.

“Chrissie comes home, most likely tomorrow,” Robert said. Aaron stared at him.

“You didn’t think to mention that before sex?” he asked bluntly.

“This has to end,” Robert repeated as Aaron got out of bed, quickly dressing. “You knew it wouldn’t be a permanent thing, you knew she’d come back,” Robert said, hating watching Aaron go, but enjoying seeing his body before he covered it up with a shirt. “You could stay the night.”

“In your marriage bed, I don’t think so,” Aaron said. “I need to go. You were right, this couldn’t last.”

“Aaron, I didn’t lie to you,” Robert said, getting up and holding his hands to stop him from moving around the room. “You always knew this wouldn’t last forever.”

“Doesn’t mean I like it,” Aaron said, ignoring the twisting feeling in his gut. He had known the end was coming, but what he hadn’t counted on was his feelings towards Robert. The thought of his wife with her perfect white gloved hands all over Robert’s body, _his_ Robert, made Aaron want to throw up.

“We’re only halfway through Oliver Twist,” Aaron said before he could stop himself. Then realised that was utterly foolish and stupid. Why would Robert care about a book?

“I know,” Robert said. “Take it.”

“I can’t read the damn thing!” Aaron shouted.

“Like I could finish reading it without you anyway,” Robert said honestly. Aaron glared at him sharply, seeing that he meant it. Aaron snatched the book, and took Robert’s purse from the inside of his coat in a pile on the floor, counting out money. “What’re you doing?” Robert asked.

“Don’t worry, I’m only taking what I’m owed. You don’t have to pay your whore.”

“That’s not what you are,” Robert said, sounding hurt.

“It’s exactly what I am, I was just too stupid to realise it.” Over the course of their affair, Aaron had beaten Robert at cards several times and the outstanding amount was two crowns. It was more money than Aaron had ever touched before and he had no idea what he was going to do with it. But he couldn’t leave it there, he needed the accounts settled. He would have no need to see Robert after tonight, beyond paying the rent to his landlord.

“Don’t go,” Robert said quietly, earnestly. “Not the last time.”

“I have to,” Aaron said. “It’s over, we know that.” Aaron did let Robert kiss him though, softly, lingeringly.

“Goodbye Robert.” Aaron turned and left the house, feeling like a thief in the night as he quickly picked up his horse to go home, his heart breaking the entire time.

* * *

 

Robert affixed a fake smile to his face as he greeted his wife in the drawing room. Then the smile slipped as he took in her figure, obviously plump around the stomach, one of her hands on top of the small bump. “Okay…” Robert said slowly. “You didn’t tell me.”

“Hello darling,” Chrissie said with a smile, kissing his cheek gently. “I’ve missed you.”

“You’re…”

“Pregnant I think is the word you’re after,” Chrissie said acidly. “Yes.”

“When did you find out?” Robert asked, still too shocked to say anything else.

“I thought I might be before I left Yorkshire, but I wanted to talk to a doctor in London, not the one who visit’s the local country folk. So I waited. Are you pleased?”

“Yes,” Robert said, half truthfully. It was an added complication he didn’t need right now in his life, but Lawrence would only give him Home farm once Chrissie had had a son by him to inherit. “Of course I am, just a little surprised. You could have sent me a letter!”

“I wanted to tell you in person. The baby’s due in October and it‘s all healthy at the moment.”

“That’s great,” Robert said, giving her a hug and a kiss. “Are you hungry?”

“Give my servants at least an hour to settle in!” Chrissie quipped. “How have things been here?”

“Quiet,” Robert settled on. “Decidedly quiet.”

* * *

Aaron couldn’t settle to anything over the next few days. Both Liv and Chas noticed, but he was usually out with work, feeding the animals. He only spent limited time at the house and when he did, it was in his bedroom. Chas thought he was moping, which wasn’t far from the truth. In the hours of darkness, Aaron would light a single candle, and look at the book he’d been given (stolen?) from Home Farm. He couldn’t understand how anyone could make the squiggles on the page in front of him into words. It didn’t make sense. He wished he had the ability to read it, because even handling the book made him think of Robert. Though that was something he couldn’t admit to himself yet. 

There was a knock at his door, and Chas appeared before he could move. “Hiya love,” she said. “Wondered if you wanted to talk?”

“About what?” Aaron asked dully, snapping the book closed.

“You’ve been miserable for days,” she said, perching on the edge of the bed, as Aaron was in the chair. Aaron suddenly had an uncomfortable flash in his mind that he and Robert had been together in that bed.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Chas snapped. “I’m not an idiot. Is your thing with your girl over?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Aaron said, jumping on the opportunity. That worked as a cover. “I mean, I knew it couldn’t last, but I thought… doesn’t matter.”

“It’ll get better,” Chas said, completely unhelpfully in Aaron’s opinion. “It will. One day you’ll look back and laugh at this.” Aaron highly doubted that.

“Look, just leave me alone,” Aaron said. “Let me brood in peace.”

“Where’d you get the book from?”

“Er…” Aaron said trying to think of a lie. “Doesn’t matter. Can you read?” he asked curiously, realising he didn't know the answer.

“A word or two,” she said. “I never needed more than that, I’ve always got by. Why? You interested?”

“It’s not like we can afford it, is it?” Aaron said, knowing that being taught his letters came at a very expensive price. “Was just curious that’s all.”

“Love, don’t go hoping for higher things,” Chas warned. “I know it’s hard work for you on the fields all day, but that’s the way it is because of where you were born Life doesn’t tend to change much around here, and I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I know,” Aaron said, knowing his mother meant well. “Life gets hard sometimes, that’s all. I’ll snap out of it.” Chas gave him a hug and Aaron returned it. For just a couple of minutes he allowed himself to be a boy who needed his mother.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one, but a short one's better than nothing right?

 

The days slowly passed into weeks, neither man seeking the other out. Aaron felt almost banished, and he was stubborn enough to know he wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move. He might be a poor farmer, but he wasn’t going to beg for anything. No matter how much he wanted to see Robert’s smirk again.

Robert for his part was feeling the strain too. It wasn’t quite as easy to sneak out of the house with all of the servants back, and a pregnant wife who wasn’t leaving for anything. Any excuse Robert came up with was too _good_ , so when he said he needed to “check the roofs were being fixed” on the northern side of the estate, that’s exactly what he had to do. It wasn’t until Chrissie took to her bed all day, claiming morning sickness that Robert could sneak out without having to make an excuse. He saddled up his horse and rode towards the Dingles farm. He didn’t care what he said to Chas if she came nosing, it had been more than a month now and he needed to see Aaron.

Robert rode his horse carefully through fields he knew belonged to Aaron and his family, hoping to find the man in question. Eventually he did, Aaron was stripped to the waist under the late June sunshine and his body was gleaming with sweat from the manual labour. For a few moments, Robert couldn’t find it in him to form words. Aaron was guiding the horse, the machinery latched to the back of the animal, cutting the grass as Aaron watched carefully. Once he saw Robert though, he stopped Patch from trotting around the field with a quiet “easy there.” His voice and expression was incredibly soft, something which vanished when he faced Robert.

“What’re you after?” Aaron said, almost with distaste as he grabbed his shirt and covered up.

“What’re you doing?”

“Working,” Aaron said. “Some of us have to. Haymaking, what does it look like?”

“Right,” Robert said, now seeing the cut grass laying flat on the field, ready to dry under the sun and realising what a stupid idiot he’d been for asking the question. He also realised he was still on his horse, and got out of the saddle.

“I’ve been meaning to find you,” Robert said. “I haven’t been able to get away.”

“Under wifey’s thumb are you?”

“Something like that,” he agreed. Didn’t have it in him to deny it.

“I heard,” Aaron said, holding his gaze. “Pitter patter of tiny feet,” he elaborated.

“Yes,” Robert said. “It’s true.” Aaron looked at the ground, feeling disappointed, even though he’d been fairly sure the rumour around the village had been a fact.

“Right,” Aaron said. “Why’re you here? I’ve got to get this done before dark.”

“I miss you,” Robert said.

“You took your time about it,” Aaron said, turning away from him and starting the horse up again.

“We can keep seeing each other,” Robert said. “Just carefully. Without anyone knowing.”

“I’m not stupid Robert, I know no one can find out,” Aaron said. “You ended it.”

“No, I said…” he sighed, watching Aaron lead the horse and following three steps behind. “All right, I panicked. But I can’t be without you Aaron. I miss you, I miss being with you.” Aaron didn’t answer. “Do you miss me?” Robert tried.

“I can never have you,” Aaron said. “Look, it was a few weeks of… mistakes,” Aaron said. “I’ll find a nice, simple, boring country girl, marry her and you and I can forget the other one existed. It’s the easiest way.”

“And you can do that, can you?” Robert asked, grabbing Aaron by the waist. He hadn’t put his shirt on properly, and Robert slid his hands over Aaron’s hips, and up, along his bare ribcage. He felt a powerful longing for him, even now, out in the open under the sun. “Because I can’t. I miss the taste of you, I miss…”

“Stop,” Aaron said, eyes blazing with a challenge. “In what world are you living in? Even if you weren’t married, we couldn’t happen. And you know it.”

“Screw it,” Robert said. “I don’t care what everyone else thinks.”

“You do,” Aaron cut in. “I don’t want to go to prison either, by the way.”

“It would never come to that,” Robert said. “And I want you, and no matter how much you scowl at me, I know you want me too.”

Aaron scoffed, but otherwise didn’t deny it. When Robert leant forward for a kiss, Aaron let him. Then couldn’t stop, because he’d been without Robert’s touch for a month, and to have that back… oh God, he couldn’t stop himself. As Robert pushed Aaron to the ground, both of them scrabbling at their clothes, no one could have stopped them. Robert kissed Aaron’s jaw as his hand went to the younger mans belt, making quick work of it. Aaron’s moan went straight through him and Robert rolled his hips against Aaron’s hardness. This would be quick. At least the first time would be.

* * *

 

Robert put his shirt on, but left the jacket off because it was a hot day, as he straightened up and put himself together. That was when he realised that there were now three horses in the field, not the two that belonged to him and Aaron. The third was a jet black horse, not much bigger than a pony, a young man sitting on top of it and smiling at them with almost a "what have we here?" kind of look on his face.

“Who’re you?” Robert asked coldly. Aaron straightened up, saw the man and frowned. “This is private property.”

“Robert, it’s fine,” Aaron said. “Leave.”

“But he saw…” Robert spluttered.

“Leave,” Aaron repeated to his lover. Robert quickly grabbed his horses reins and galloped past the stranger, into the middle distance very quickly.

“Adam. It’s not…” Aaron started

“What it looks like?” Adam finished, still a ghost of a smile on his lips. “How about you buy me an ale in the village and tell me exactly what it doesn’t look like.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter, but I seem to have got a little bit stuck.

Aaron knew one thing for certain. He wasn’t going into the village to get a drink with Adam, or go anywhere else where there could be an audience. He had no idea how Adam was going to react to what he’d obviously seen.

“Come on, it’s been a long ride, I could use a drink,” Adam said when Aaron showed no sign of moving.

“What, so you have a few dozen witnesses from the village when you accuse me of…”

“Aaron, calm down!” Adam said, holding his hands up in innocence. “I don’t know what…”

“Whatever you think, you’re wrong,” Aaron said obstinately, the fear going through him.

“I think you’re an idiot for trying it on with your landlord,” Adam said, turning back to his horse and grabbing a flask from the saddle bags. “And I think you’re wound up tight, so I’m having a drink.” Adam sat down on the ground and Aaron took in several deep breaths. Flying off the handle right now wouldn’t help anything. Aaron sat down opposite him, studying him carefully, not sure what to say.

“Adam, you can’t tell anyone,” Aaron said eventually.

“What are you doing Aaron?” he asked bluntly.

“Don’t judge me for…”

“Was I surprised to see you doing… that?” Adam started slowly. “Yes, but I’m not about to call the local constable. What’d you take me for?”

“Good,” Aaron said, snatching the flask from Adams hand and taking a drink of the spirit.

“Why him though?” Adam asked.

“He offered,” Aaron said sarcastically. Adam punched him on the shoulder and Aaron laughed, feeling a little of their usual good humour coming back to their friendship. He hadn’t seen Adam in quite some time, since his parents sold up their farm and bought a larger one on the other side of Leeds. It was too far for a day trip, which begged the question why Adam was here, stumbling upon Aaron and Robert in the first place.

“Seriously,” Adam said. “He could bring a whole world of trouble on your head when he gets bored of you.” Aaron felt a flash of pain at that, because he knew this wouldn’t last forever. But the thought of never seeing Robert again… “Say he raises the rents on the farm.”

“He wouldn’t,” Aaron said dismissively.

“Oh, because he’s trustworthy,” Adam said. 

“He’s got as much to lose as I have if this gets out,” Aaron said. “Which by the way, why aren’t you more surprised?”

“I’ve known you since I was born,” Adam said. “You were never really interested in chasing after the girls, were you?” Aaron didn’t answer. “But you have to stop, Robert Sugden will drop you when it gets too dangerous, then you’ll be screwed.

“I’m not stupid, I know it’s illegal,” Aaron said quietly, looking at the earth. “I know that, but I can’t stop.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with him,” Aaron said, without thinking the words through. He’d never even allowed himself to consider the possibility. But now the words were out there, dangerously.

“You can’t be,” Adam said simply. Aaron scoffed, getting up and starting the horse working again.

“Why’re you here?” Aaron asked.

“I was at a loose end at home,” Adam said, following Aaron around the field. “And mum mentioned that you were struggling for workers since your dad died. So I’m free labour if you want a pair of hands.”

“Until when?”

“August. Then I’ve got to go back, but if you want me…”

“Sounds good,” Aaron said. “As long as you…”

“I will keep my mouth shut.”

“Good.”

* * *

 

Chas was delighted with the help, and glared at Aaron for daring to suggest that maybe Adam had something better to do with his time than slog his guts out for free. It didn’t get awkward until it got dark, and Aaron realised Adam would be sleeping in his room with him. This had happened before, dozens of times when they were boys. In fact half the time Moira and Chas hadn’t known which house the pair of them were actually in.

“If you have a problem…” Aaron warned, seeing Adams face fall.

“I didn’t say that.”

“I’m not sleeping on the floor,” Aaron added, ignoring the way his heart fell at Adam‘s reaction. Is this how his life would always be if people knew? “Come on, you know me. And anyway, you’re really not my type.” That did make one of Adam’s easy trade mark smiles appear on his face. Aaron didn't say anything else, just waited for sleep to come.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am keeping writing this one, I'm just finding it difficult to write and update as frequently, because of the historical element I think. But I'll keep going, and thank you for being patient!!

It was three days later before Robert’s self control wore out and he went in search of Aaron. The good side was the local constable hadn’t come for a “quiet word” with him, which with his status would be what happened, had his “activities” with Aaron been reported. Aaron on the other hand would most likely be taken to jail, especially if there was more than one witness. The questions were flying around in Robert’s brain as he saddled up his horse one morning in search of Aaron.

It was a cloudy day, but he found Aaron in a similar situation to last time, haymaking in the fields, except this time he was fully dressed, and he wasn’t alone. The same stranger who had caught them not very many days before stood there. He looked around Aaron’s age, and now that Robert wasn’t panicking, he looked friendly.

“Whoa,” Aaron said to the horse pointedly, having spotted Robert first. The other man looked at him, the friendly smile fading.

“Aaron, what’re you playing at?” he said.

“Adam, just… don’t,” Aaron said. “Five minutes.” This Adam rolled his eyes, but said nothing as Aaron crossed to Robert, who got off his horse, not liking the height difference.

“Adam isn’t going to say anything,” Aaron said quietly. “He’s an old friend of mine, he’ll keep his mouth shut. So get that look off your face.”

“What look?”

“That “oh shit, my perfect life’s been ruined” look,” Aaron said darkly.

“I don’t look like that,” Robert said with bravado.

“You do,” Aaron replied, smiling at him. “Is that the only reason you’re here?”

“Obviously not the only reason,” Robert said, voice low with want. “Can you get rid of him?”

“No,” Aaron said, sounding like he had no inclination to try. “But the lambing shed’s empty and I can be there in an hour. Alone.”

“Yeah?” Robert asked hopefully. He moved into Aaron’s body, and he reluctantly took a step back and shook his head, not wanting to get into anything he couldn’t finish with Adam present. “Jealous is he?” Robert asked, sensing Aaron's hesitation.

“He’s sleeping in my bed,” Aaron said lowly. He couldn’t resist the flinch on Robert’s face. “He’s a friend,” Aaron added, relenting. “Though you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on, how is your pregnant wife?”

“Can’t get out of bed most days,” Robert said. “I don’t think pregnancy’s agreeing with her.”

“So you’re getting your kicks from the local scruff, are you?” Aaron asked.

“Got a problem with that?” Robert asked with a smirk. “One hour.” Aaron just watched him leave on his horse.

“This is a mistake,” Adam warned.

“I’m in too deep,” Aaron said. “I couldn’t stop now even if I wanted to.”

“It’ll all end badly.”

“Yeah, probably will,” Aaron said. “But I can’t stop, Adam. I just can’t.”

* * *

They’d taken their fill of each other twice. The first time was in a complete desperate frenzy, the second time was slower, more relaxed and… no, Aaron thought. He refused to think that word. It wasn’t a _loving_ encounter no matter how much he might have felt like it. It was unnatural to be feeling like this for Robert, wasn’t it? He shouldn’t.

“Aaron?” Robert asked quietly. Aaron rolled his head to look at him and waited. “Why’s Adam okay with this? I thought the police would be involved by now.”

“He said… he wasn’t surprised by me, we’ve known each other since we were born. He took it much better than I thought, actually. He didn’t think I was doing the right thing going for you.”

“Oh, yeah, why's that?”

“You’re rich, you’re upper class and you’re married. Not the greatest start. And we all know, eventually, you’ll leave me.” Aaron felt hollow at that.

“Aaron, I can’t make you promises,” Robert said. “You know that. But this is… I’ve never felt this before.”

“But you lie,” Aaron said calmly. “To get what you want. I can’t believe anything you tell me.”

Robert rolled on top of him, pressing their naked bodies into each other and leaving Aaron with no room to escape. “What I enjoy about this, is that nothing outside this room matters. Yes, I’m wealthy, and married and this is “technically” wrong. But when I’m with you, I don’t care.”

“I don’t either,” Aaron said. The words were on his lips, to tell Robert exactly how he felt, but then Robert arched his hips into Aaron and he moaned, the words dying in the room. Right now, he needed to focus on more important things.

* * *

They settled into a routine, meeting up every few days in abandoned barns and sheds throughout the summer, while the animals were out grazing the fields. But as June slipped into July, then the beginning of August, the days were getting slightly shorter and the weather was getting a little worse. The sheds were actually needed, and Aaron couldn’t always expect Adam to do all the work. Especially as he was doing it for free. Though Adam was getting a free supply of ales at The Woolpack at the end of every day that Aaron had a liaison with Robert, just to keep him quiet. Free being an interesting term, since Robert was the one technically paying for Adam’s bill at the pub. Aaron knew Adam didn’t need bribing, but he didn’t want to severely piss him off either. Because no matter how good, how right it felt with Robert, he was breaking the law. But it actually was good to have Adam on side. It made it look like Aaron wasn’t completely slacking on the farm. 

It was traditional to have an end of summer fair on the estate at the end of August, for all the villagers, and to keep the goodwill, and Aaron wondered if that would still go ahead. It was the first year since Chrissie and Robert Sugden had moved in, and there was no word. So Aaron asked.

“Oh, do I really want a couple of hundred strangers wandering over my property for no reason?”

“It keeps the peace,” Aaron said, fingers lingering over Robert’s body, enjoying making the other man shiver. “It’ll be a long winter if you don’t give the workers one day off, trust me.”

“Mm,” Robert grumbled. “Need to catch Chrissie on a good day then. Because it isn’t my property, it’s hers then our sons.”

“Son, is it?” Aaron asked. “A boy?”

“No way of knowing, but I hope so.” Aaron rolled his eyes, because of course he did. That was the way of the world, wasn’t it?

“Plus, if you did have this thing, I could actually bump into you in public, without you looking over your shoulder twenty times a minute. And it all descends into a drunk free for all at the end anyway.”

“Mm, that sounds an attractive prospect,” Robert murmured. Aaron grinned. Even though privately, he thought this would be him saying goodbye to Robert. Because it couldn’t last, he’d have to do the harvest, then lock up for winter, while Robert would be playing happy families with his wife and baby. Maybe this could be goodbye, an end of summer thing. Because this couldn’t go on indefinitely. And whenever he let Robert go, it would hurt. Maybe it would be better on his own terms.


	14. Chapter 14

 

Robert apparently had methods of persuasion with his pregnant wife, because the end of the summer fair was indeed going ahead on Home Farm grounds. Aaron also realised that he would be saying goodbye to Adam, as he was now needed back at home for the harvest on the Barton’s farm. Aaron had enjoyed having his friend with him, and even if he wouldn’t admit it, Aaron would miss him badly. Plus Adam had been really good cover for his rendezvous with Robert as an added bonus. Now September was looming with shorter days, Aaron knew he’d have to be more careful. They’d both been a bit… careless to be honest. And that wouldn’t be able to continue.

Aaron shook his head, approaching the fields where he could already hear the band playing, the laughter loud and the drink flowing. Adam was already there, most likely flirting with some of the village girls. Aaron had tried to persuade himself to go earlier, but it had taken until dusk was gathering for him to go. He didn’t need to try and spy Robert through families and shrieking kids, so he waited until the families had gone home, and the drink would be flowing freely. Liv had been by his side, almost dragging him to go, now old enough to be able to be included in the more “adult” side of things now, rather than being a silly kid, as she had said with a scowl. Though if Aaron found any teenage boy cozying up to his sister, he’d have to resist the impulse to punch said boy.

Aaron let Liv run off happily, a new dress on which she loved. (Which had been paid for by some of the money Aaron had won off Robert months ago now. Had it really been that long?) Aaron went up to the makeshift bar and helped himself to an ale from the open barrel, making small talk with the villagers as he did. And smiling, because this was the first fun he’d had in ages. Or non Robert related fun anyway. Aaron sat on a hay bale, listening to the band and relaxing for five minutes.

Then he saw Robert. It had taken a few minutes for him to recognise him, as he wasn’t in his finery like usual. Sure, the shirt was better quality than most of the villagers, but he had his sleeves rolled up, the buttons undone at the throat and the light from the lanterns and the bonfire made his skin glow. Aaron felt glad he’d seen him unobtrusively first because he felt a quick instant bolt of desire go through him, and he didn’t need Robert to find him half hard, just from the sight of him. There was no way from this distance Aaron could see the freckles on his forearms, but Aaron knew them so well, it was like he could. Tracing each dot with his tongue, enjoying the slight tang of sweat on his skin before…

“You need to stop that.” Aaron turned to see Adam sitting side on to him, speaking lowly in his ear.

“Stop what?” Aaron asked, taking a swig of his drink.

“Undressing Sugden with your eyes.” Aaron scoffed because that was ridiculous. “I saw you. Now I might not care, but if you aren’t careful, someone will spot you who _will_ care.”

“I can’t help it,” Aaron admitted. “When he looks like that and…” Robert turned his head fractionally, spotting Aaron. He carried on talking, but raised an eyebrow suggestively. He turned his head away, but knew Aaron was still watching him as he licked his bottom lip. Aaron shivered.

“I’m not going to be here to protect you,” Adam warned. “You need to end it.”

“I know I do,” Aaron said seriously. “I will after tonight. I have to, because… if I don’t, I’ll be doing this until we get caught,” Aaron said realistically. “And I don’t really fancy a six month sailing trip to the colonies.”

“Good,” Adam said fervently. “At least something’s got through to you.” Adam got up, walking over to a short red head who couldn’t stop smiling at him and it distracted Aaron long enough not to notice Robert coming up behind him.

“You look like you're enjoying what you see,” Robert said briefly, leaning over Aaron to whisper in his ear, making it look like he was putting his pint glass down on the ground.

“Robert, not here,” Aaron said, though his body was screaming for Robert, especially as he looked so much different than normal. “It’s too public.”

“Mm,” Robert said. “Wait until the food starts coming out from the house, then meet me in the shed over there.” Aaron looked and saw it, not one owned by his family, but most likely empty tonight.

“It’s dangerous.”

“Isn’t the thrill part of it?” Robert asked. Robert stood directly behind Aaron who was sat on the hay bale and was very careful that no one would see him tracing his fingers down the upper part of his spine. And Aaron tried his hardest not to shiver at the touch. He failed.

“Robert, I can’t do this any more,” Aaron said.

“The shed,” Robert said, face falling as he realised exactly what Aaron meant. “We’ll talk.”

“We won’t.”

“I promise we will.” Robert walked away, not giving him much chance to respond otherwise and Aaron sighed. He was most certainly not watching the way Robert’s trousers clung to his arse, the material… no. God, the things Aaron dreamed about when he thought of Robert's body...

“Aaron!” He whipped his head around because he recognised that voice.

“Paddy!” Aaron said with joy. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Working my way up through Yorkshire,” Paddy said happily, pulling Aaron into a tight hug. “How are you?” he said into Aaron’s shoulder before letting him go.

“Good,” Aaron said. “Things were looking bad for a while, but…”

“Yeah, I heard about your dad’s death,” Paddy said. “I’m sorry.”

“He was a waste of space. You know that as well as I do,” Aaron said.

“I’m still sorry,” Paddy said.

Aaron shook his head. “I thought you were off in London, getting your _fancy proper education_ ,” Aaron said, rolling his eyes.

“Done with that,” Paddy said with a smile. “Officially a veterinarian now.”

“Don’t get why you had to stay in London for a year,” Aaron said with a shrug. “Everyone knows you know how to look after animals, what does a piece of paper matter?” Paddy rolled his eyes.

“I know it’s a bit experimental,” Paddy admitted. “But I wanted to be one of the first. Especially after that disease a few years back. Killed half of all the cattle in England.”

“I remember,” Aaron said. Paddy was an old family friend, and in some ways, he was the father Aaron should have had, if Gordon hadn’t spent his life gambling and drinking it away. Aaron genuinely liked Paddy and was sad when he moved away, even if it was only temporary.

“How’s life treating you, then?” Paddy asked.

“Mum’s happier,” Aaron said. “Liv’s good, she smiles these days. And the farms doing well, finally. So it’s all good around here.”

“I asked how you were doing,” Paddy said sharply. “Not everyone else.”

“As long as they’re happy, I’ll muddle through,” Aaron said. “The way I always do.”

“All right, what’s wrong?” Paddy asked.

“Nothing,” Aaron said. “I just… sometimes feel like there should be more, you know? Is this… really it?”

“You’ll meet someone one day,” Paddy said, incorrectly reading what he thought Aaron meant. 

“I’m fine,” Aaron said. “Actually… one thing you could… are you sticking around?”

“For at least a couple of months,” Paddy said. “A lot of work here before I journey up to Scotland. Apparently a lot of call for the worlds newest profession.” Aaron scoffed as Paddy elbowed him in a friendly way.

“I wondered… if you could teach me to read?” Aaron said, blushing hotly. “I mean, its fine if you don’t, if… forget it actually. Bad idea.”

“I can if you want,” Paddy said levelly. “Why?”

“Just curious,” Aaron said. “I found a book under a hedge one morning,” he invented. Not too much of a lie, Robert's copy of Oliver Twist had made it outside on more than one dewy morning, the cover now buckled by damp. Aaron couldn't read it, but he enjoyed flicking through the pages, wondering how Robert could make sense of the random squiggles. “It made me start thinking. I mean, I know numbers, letters shouldn’t be too much more difficult, right?”

“I’ll teach you,” Paddy agreed quietly. “What are…”

“Paddy!” Chas shouted, having seen the familiar shape of his head. This effectively ended Aaron’s conversation with him, thankfully. That was about as vulnerable as he could get and he didn’t mind the conversation being cut short.

It only took five minutes for the bell to ring, the villagers and farmers to all rush forward as platters of food were delivered outside to cheers. Aaron felt a brief pang of regret, he probably wouldn’t try food this good until next years fair, but it wasn’t enough to stop him sidling off to meet Robert anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my vet time line is 6 years too early, but I didn't think anyone would mind! Thank you for being patient with this one!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but work! Plus this is gearing up to the end now!

Robert waited in the barn for Aaron to turn up. It must have only been ten minutes, but it felt like longer. Robert’s mind was running at a hundred miles an hour, fearing that Aaron had changed his mind, that Aaron didn’t want him. The truth was, for Robert anyway, that he missed him. He missed waking up next to Aaron, he missed laughing with him and playing cards and reading to him. He missed all the quiet little domestic moments that hadn’t even been the point of this affair in the first place. And yes, the sex was still great, fantastic even, but it was those quiet moments that he missed so much. And Robert hated seeing Aaron almost climb back into his shell, not showing Robert any of his vulnerabilities, not letting him in any longer. When Aaron did finally turn up, he looked edgy, not like someone meeting for a liaison, more like he was here under protest. “Robert, this has to end.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Robert said, moving towards him, the fear filling him. He couldn’t lose Aaron, no matter the cost. Aaron turned his head away as Robert tried to kiss him.

“We’re going to get caught,” Aaron said.

“Oh, come on, we’ve been here before,” Robert said tiredly. “Neither of us can stay away long, you know that.”

“What, before you go back to your heavily pregnant wife?” Aaron asked. “Let’s face it, we’re breaking the law. It needs to stop before it gets more serious.”

“I can’t stop,” Robert said.

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with you.” Aaron looked at Robert in disbelief. He hadn’t expected those words to fall from Robert’s lips, even though it was how he felt himself. He never thought it would happen. “Aaron, I love you,” Robert repeated. “I’d stop this if I could, I know it’s wrong, but… I love the way you scowl at me, I love how you smile, even though it’s so rare. I love the way your eyes light up sometimes when you look at me and you look… so much younger. I just... love you. And if it was as simple as “stopping” this, then I would. But I can’t because you’re under my skin Aaron!” Robert hadn’t realised he’d ended up shouting the last couple of words, but he breathed in deeply, trying to calm down.

“It’s against nature,” Aaron said, trying to buy himself some time. “Two men, this doesn’t happen in the real world.”

“Well, here we are,” Robert said, shrugging. “This is happening. And if you felt nothing for me, you wouldn’t still be here. You’d have walked away months ago, so don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t lie,” Aaron snapped.

“No, I know,” Robert said sadly. “Come here…” Aaron didn’t resist, letting Robert kiss him softly. Robert could smell him, even above the hay in the shed, the sharp scent of this man who would probably end up being his biggest mistake. He couldn’t even enjoy the rasp of his beard for long before Aaron was pulling back. “I love you too,” he said, looking almost terrified at the admission. “And that scares me, Robert because we’re both risking everything the longer we see each other.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I bought cards.”

“What?” Aaron asked, scowling at the change of subject.

“I have a candle, and I brought a deck of cards if you want to play,” Robert said, just a hint of a question in his voice. “I miss you.”

“Fine,” Aaron said, smiling slightly. “I’ll deal.” Robert grinned.

* * *

“You’re going to take the shirt off my back if you’re not careful!” Robert snapped, Aaron doing that little under his breath laugh that made Robert’s heart stop.

“Learn to be a better player then,” Aaron said, slipping the stack of coins into his pocket. “I should go, it’s late. And your wife will be missing you.” Robert didn’t deny it. “You need more money if I’m going to continue to wipe the floor with you.”

Robert smiled. “Can you get away for a day?”

“What?”

“A day, just us,” Robert continued. “We’ll go out for a ride, take a picnic, just enjoy the day.”

“And you can just vanish, can you?” Aaron asked.

“I’ll work on the excuse,” Robert said. “I’d quite like to ride with you somewhere,” he continued, voice lower and seductive. “Feel your thighs on the horse, me behind you enjoying your arse against me…” Aaron didn’t answer, because it was a dream. This wasn’t the kind of world that they could do that in public, risk anyone seeing them.

“We’ll see,” Aaron said quietly. He leaned up and kissed Robert briefly. Then not so briefly. Robert tasted too good, and they’d been distracted tonight, not got any physical satisfaction and Aaron groaned into his mouth.

“We could be half an hour later couldn’t we?” Robert asked breathlessly against his lips. Aaron grinned.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another warning for homophobia here. I'm trying to keep it in the setting of the time period, rather than making it more offensive than I need to. I hope I've caught the balance right. Enjoy! (And sorry for the slower than normal updates.)

 

Adam left and September rolled around, which meant harvest time. Liv had given up her cleaning job for the month, purely for the extra pair of hands that was needed on the farm. Aaron and Robert's fantasy meet up, dream day together never materialised. Chrissie had gone into labour early. About four weeks too early actually, but the gossip was rife in the village. A couple of the maids had mentioned that the doctors and midwives were worried, all within the space of about six hours on a Tuesday morning.

Aaron couldn’t help but worry about Robert, as he guided his horse with the plow. Yeah, he knew Robert didn’t love her. Or certainly not the same way that Robert loved him, but this was his wife and child. Whatever Aaron’s personal feelings, he wanted the child to be okay. And a whole month early… well, it wasn’t looking good. To Aaron’s admittedly limited knowledge anyway.

It was six o’clock in the evening, and Aaron was just debating going in for the day. He’d been on the go for nearly twelve hours and the rain clouds looking like they were coming in, but he heard the hoof beats of a horse. He waited, until it came into distant view, and he could see it was Robert. Of course it was. Aaron could barely remember the last time he’d looked up and seen a horse that Robert wasn’t riding. Aaron waited for him to get off the horse, and realised he looked terrible. Paler than usual, bloodshot eyes and most definitely on the verge of panic. 

“What is it?” Aaron asked, keeping his voice level.

“I don’t know what to do here, Aaron,” Robert said, eyes darting around. “I don’t know…”

“Surely… this is a situation that you don’t actually **_do_ ** anything,” Aaron said reasonably.

“It’s bad,” Robert said, shaking his head. “She’s too early, and Chrissie keeps screaming. I hear the doctors and midwives and… they’re worried, I know they are.”

“Robert…” Aaron started quietly. He had no idea what to say to this. How could he support Robert with his labouring wife? The wife he’d been cheating on for nearly six months. It didn’t make any sense. Aaron reached for him though, a hand on his waist to have some kind of grounding touch between them.

“Do you love her?” Aaron asked. He had no idea where that came from, right now probably wasn’t the right time. But Robert didn’t look offended, staring into the distance and shaking his head.

“No,” he said quietly. “Not particularly. But even when you don’t love someone, you don’t particularly want them to die in childbirth either. And the baby. I can’t, I don’t… God, I need to breathe.”

“Robert, calm down,” Aaron said firmly, putting one hand on his chin, the other on his waist, making him look directly at him. Which Robert did and Aaron could see the genuine fear there. “I know you don’t do well when you’re out of control. There’s nothing you can do, you know that, right?”

“They won’t even let me near her. Apparently I’m getting in the way.”

“Imagine that,” Aaron said with a raised eyebrow. That did make Robert smile weakly. Aaron kissed him softly, just for reassurance and nothing more. Robert sighed into his body.

“I hate being so helpless,” he admitted.

“I know,” Aaron said. “You need to be home with your wife and child. Even if it’s pointless.” It hollowed Aaron to even say it, but he could be nothing more than “the other woman.” There was no happy ending for them, not in this world, not in this village.

“Just five minutes,” Robert said, leaning his head against Aaron’s. And Aaron let him, because stolen moments would be all they ever had. Wouldn’t it?

* * *

Five minutes turned into nearly a full hour, both of them sitting half under the hedge, avoiding the drizzle that was turning more into rain as each second passed. “You need to go home,” Aaron said.

“I know.” Robert kissed him lingeringly, lips brushing. “I’ll find you when I can.”

“I hope… well, I hope it all goes well,” Aaron said. As jealous as he was of Chrissie, he didn’t want either her or the baby to die in childbirth, which wasn’t uncommon, even for the well-to-do.

“I love you,” Robert whispered.

“I know. Now get on your horse and go home.” Robert nodded once, then left, Aaron watching him. It was only when he was long gone, and Aaron looked towards Patch, deciding to go home that he saw the problem. Liv was standing there, hair damp around her face, staring at him like she’d never seen him before.

“Liv,” Aaron said softly.

“Mum sent me to find you,” Liv said hollowly. “For dinner. You were late.”

“Liv, it’s not what it looks like,” he shouted to her retreating back. When actually, it was exactly what it looked like. He quickly grabbed Patch’s reins and followed her on foot. “Liv!”

“What’re you doing Aaron!” she screamed, turning back to him, hair flying, eyes wild. “I saw you… k… kiss him!” She was stuttering over her words and Aaron went to grab her, more to stop her running away, and she flinched back from him, breaking Aaron’s heart.

“Liv, I’m still your big brother,” he said quickly. “Nothing’s changed.”

“You’re… how long?”

“Nearly six months,” Aaron said, choosing honesty.

“But why!” she asked, begged almost. “I mean…. is he paying you? Is that why you’re resorting to… _that_. I know we were in trouble for money, but…”

“Liv, stop now,” Aaron said firmly. “He’s not paying me.”

“Look, I’m not completely naïve,” she said. “I know what happens, some of my friends who work in Hotten tell me.” Aaron knew she meant the brothel, for girls who hadn’t been quite as lucky as Liv. “I know some men prefer other men and pay a lot for it, but Aaron!”

“Why are you carrying on with this?” Aaron asked, completely offended. “I’m not low enough to be paid for sex. I’m not some kind of whore, Liv!”

“Then what are those coins in the bottom drawer of your bedroom for? We don’t have two spare pennies Aaron! And you bought me a new dress for the summer fair!”

“I beat him at cards,” Aaron said honestly, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s terrible at it, and you know I’m good with a deck of cards. Though honestly, you could wipe the floor with him, he’s so falsely confident.” The high colour in Liv’s cheeks faded a little, as she breathed in deeply.

“Then… if it’s not money, why?” Liv asked.

“I like him,” Aaron said. “I didn’t plan this. You think I’d risk prison, transportation for this if I had a choice in it?” Transportation to the colonies clearly hadn’t occurred to Liv and she looked frightened. “It won’t come to that," Aaron added.

“Won’t it?” she said. “Can you stop it?” Aaron hesitated. The honest answer was no. He’d tried but the pull of Robert was too much. “Aaron, what’re you doing?!”

“Mum doesn’t know,” Aaron said firmly. “She can’t know, she’d kill me.”

“Maybe it would bring you to your senses then!” Liv snapped.

“You might not agree with what I’m doing,” Aaron started. “You might think it’s horribly wrong, but I am still your big brother. I’m the person you’ve always known, I'm the one who's kept this place running, please don’t be frightened of me.”

“I’m not frightened of you,” Liv said. “I’m frightened _for_ you. For us. What are mum and I supposed to do if you get convicted of… of…”

“Sodomy I think is the word you’re after,” Aaron said with distaste. “We’re being careful.”

“Careful enough for me to walk in on the two of you!”

“It’s private land,” Aaron said dismissively. “I don’t expect you or mum to call the local constable on me. Am I wrong?” Liv’s bottom lip quivered, and she wanted to smile, Aaron could tell. He pulled her into a hug and Liv softened towards him after a moment or two, though it was clear she wasn’t happy. Aaron could tell she was already worried enough and he didn’t mention a fact he’d found out just the other week from Robert.

In 1835, just four years ago, two men had been hanged for this. In London, which was how Robert knew of it because he’d been living there at the time. And unsurprisingly it had frightened the life out of him. Aaron hadn’t enjoyed that trip down memory lane either, because he’d always thought the worst that could happen was transportation. While not being an appetizing thought, it hadn't been enough to stop him. He never thought being with Robert could risk his life. But no. When Liv was worried and angry enough, now wasn’t the time to mention that one.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I plan precisely nothing in advance and keep it all in my head, I've realised I've made a mistake in the timeline here. The second chapter said six months earlier, when really it should have been five. I've gone and edited it, and it doesn't make any difference to the story, apart from the fact Chas discovers the affair in September rather than October. That said, enjoy!

A healthy baby girl. Robert feels amazed at holding his daughter, brand new and innocent and perfect. A fuzz of dark hair on the crown of her head. Tiny, so much smaller than Robert had expected beforehand, even being early. No name yet, but a perfect little girl, as Robert cradled her. He hadn’t been allowed to see Chrissie since the birth, according to the doctors she was in a pretty bad way, keeping slipping in and out of consciousness.

It was early in the morning, though the heavy clouds outside looked like they’d never lift and Robert wanted to see Aaron. Maybe it made him an awful man, but he needed to talk to him, to see him. Not that he didn’t care about his wife, he did. But he loved Aaron, that was the difference. And he was in love with his beautiful daughter. Yes, he’d been wishing and hoping for a boy, but now that she was here, he could never regret her.

It was taking a risk, he knew that. But he had to see Aaron. So he left the house for the Dingle’s farm, hoping he’d get lucky. He needed Liv and Chas to be out, and hopefully Aaron to be home. The weather was bad, so most likely Aaron wouldn’t be working the fields, and as he jumped into the saddle, he noticed the clouds were just beginning to pelt down the rain, and he got to Aaron’s house before it could get particularly heavy.

Robert tied his horse up in the stable, the routine almost familiar to him after months, and then he watched the house. He wanted to know that Aaron was here, and that they were alone. It was too much to risk otherwise.

He watched the house for forty five minutes before giving it a go. It seemed empty, there might be no one home. And if Chastity answered the door, he could make something up about owing the rent. Aaron took care of that since his father died, so Robert felt sure enough that he could talk his way out of suspicion. So he knocked on the door. He heard footsteps inside, so someone was here and it was to his immense relief that Aaron opened the door. Robert sighed, feeling the tension leaving him.

“You alone?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said shortly, moving aside to let him in and close the door quickly. “Mum’s delivering some of her mending to the Woolpack. Which means she’ll probably be there gossiping with Charity all day.”

“Good,” Robert said. “Liv?”

“No idea,” Aaron said. “She knows.”

“What?”

“About us. She saw, the other day.” Robert’s face paled. “I talked her around. She was… shocked, but I think she’s okay. How’re you? I heard it’s a girl.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, choosing to focus on that instead, rather than things he couldn’t control. “She’s beautiful.”

“I’m happy for you,” Aaron said, though he didn’t sound it. He seemed to realise it, because then he shook his head. “No, I mean that. I wouldn’t wish any harm on a baby. Or you.”

“Thanks,” Robert said quietly. “Chrissie… she’s not well. Some.., one of the doctors doesn’t think she’ll recover from this. I haven’t even seen her yet.” Robert sighed deeply, like it came from the heart. “I’m not lying to you, I don’t love her, but… I wouldn’t want her dead either.”

“For the money?” Aaron said snidely.

“Aaron.”

“I didn’t mean that,” he replied instantly. “You know I didn’t. But it is hard when she gives you everything. You know?”

Robert smiled softly at him. “If she gave me everything, why would I keep coming back to you?” Aaron smiled into a gentle kiss. “Upstairs?”

“Perfect.”

* * *

“Mum!” Chas turned around to see Liv looking windswept and damp. Chas got up from the table with Charity where she’d been gossiping about the village. They were in the back room, the private quarters so Liv must have sweet talked the barmaid to letting her through.

“Liv, what’re you doing here?” she asked.

“You have to go home,” she said, clearly upset. Liv looked to Charity and clearly she didn’t want to say this in company, so Chas put her coat on and followed Liv out the door, with a hurried goodbye to her cousin.

“What is it?” Chas demanded, stopping under a tree to avoid most of the rain.

“You just… have to come home.” Liv looked desperate and wild eyed. “It’s Aaron.”

“What about him?” Chas asked.

“I’m so worried for him, he’s doing something really stupid and he won’t stop and I don’t know…”

“Slow down, Liv,” Chas said, holding her arms to calm her down. "Talk slowly."

“I don’t know what to do,” she said. “He told me not to say anything, but this is… it could get him into serious trouble and he knows it but he doesn’t care and…”

“What could get him in trouble?” Chas asked. Liv seemed tongue tied, very reluctant to say anything at all. “Olivia…”

“You should just get home. Please,” Liv said desperately, darting off into the rain before Chas could catch up with her. That girl was fast. Chas didn’t like the cryptic warning, but she did as Liv said. It was raining anyway, about time she got home. But Chas hoped it wasn’t something to do with that married girl Aaron was apparently seeing. If he’d got her pregnant while her husband was away…

* * *

Liv stood against the side of the alehouse, breathing hard. She shouldn’t have done that. She knew she shouldn’t have gone telling tales to their mother, but she was terrified. She was scared witless that Aaron was going to do something stupid. If he got caught, he’d end up in prison. As a best case scenario, and she’d lose her brother. All for something that probably meant nothing to the Lord of the Manor anyway. Just a bit of dangerous fun for him. Probably the thrill of being caught. He'd be able to buy his way free, but Aaron...

She’d seen Robert talking to Aaron from the garden. Not enough to hear their voices, but it was obvious what he was there for. And him with a new baby! So Liv, out of a lot of fear and a little bit of anger had told their mother. She had no one to talk to, and Chas at least wouldn’t report him to the local constable. Which others might if they caught them, and that would only be a matter of time. She was fifteen years old, and she’d always been taught what Aaron was doing was inherently wrong. Liv just didn’t know what to do. So she'd panicked.

Which is what led Chas to climbing the stairs not too much later, opening the door to her sons bedroom and finding Robert Sugden on top of him.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Three people clattered down the stairs, one after another, Chas, then Aaron, then Robert, the latter two both hurrying to cover themselves into some form of decency. Chas stood in the kitchen, stock still. Well, apart from the shaking that she couldn’t seem to control.

“Mum, calm down,” Aaron said, trying to ignore the fact that his shirt was barely buttoned up.

“C… calm down?” Chas asked. “You… and him? I can’t. I c… What the hell are you doing Aaron!”

“None of your business,” Aaron said coldly.

“Aaron!” Chas said, almost gasping as Robert came into view behind him.

“Aaron,” he said, much softer, though his eyes were filled with fear.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you married?” Chas almost spat at him. “Isn’t your wife at deaths door?”

“Not quite yet,” Robert said coldly.

“But…”

“I know what I’m doing,” Aaron said.

“He’s the person you’ve been seeing,” Chas said, realisation dawning.

“Yes,” Aaron admitted. Pointless to deny it.

“Aaron, why!” she shouted.

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Aaron said, feeling his face flame. Out of all the things he would feel comfortable discussing with his mother, this wasn’t one of them. “It’s fine.”

“No, Aaron, it is not fine!” she shouted.

“I should go, I’m making this worse,” Robert said lowly. Aaron didn’t want Robert to go, not like this, but it possibly was the best option. Robert, feeling dangerous, kissed Aaron goodbye briefly, grabbing his coat tightly before leaving the house, going to the stables to collect his horse.

“How long?” Chas asked.

“Since March,” Aaron admitted. “It’s fine, just forget about it.”

“Forget about it?!” Chas shouted. “It’s a crime!”

“Stop being technical.”

“Technical?” Chas asked. “You want to go to prison?”

“No one is going to prison.”

“Then stop it,” she said.

“I can’t,” Aaron said. “Come on, I’m not actually a stupid man, I know it’s dangerous. But I can’t stop it, I can’t be away from him. Trust me, I've tried.”

“Why not?” Chas asked. “What could that arrogant man possibly have going for him?”

“I’m in love with him, mum,” Aaron said quietly. “I can’t stop it, it’s got too far.”

“So the fact that he’s married, has a newborn child, is rich, is our landlord, AND it’s against the law, none of that matters?!”

“You know something, when I’m with him? No. It doesn’t,” Aaron said quietly. “I can’t help it mum, it’s been out of my control for so long.” Chas looked at him, spluttered, then turned to the door and walked out. Aaron breathed in deeply several times, tying to keep calm. And hoping Chas wouldn’t do anything stupid.

* * *

She didn’t know what to do. Her son in bed with Robert Sugden, the landlord, it just… how? Did his wife know? Of course she didn’t. It would have to stop, Aaron was risking everything. How could he not see it? Or if he could, how did he not care? Did he value his life so little?

Chas knew the lay out of Home Farm well, she’d been a maid there when she was a girl. She guessed the running of a household like that hadn’t changed much in twenty years or so. And with the house being disrupted out of its routine because of the newborn, and the illness of the mistress. Child bed fever, or so the gossips said. Through some miracle, she managed to find her way upstairs, to the mistresses room. She shouldn’t have been allowed to be here, and if she was the housekeeper of a mansion like this… Chas stopped her mental criticism, because right now it had been helpful for her to sneak in through the service entrance. 

She saw Chrissie, lying in bed and she could smell the blood. Chas was about to leave, thinking this was such a bad idea, Chrissie was obviously in a worse state than she expected, and probably wouldn’t even care about her husbands activities. She turned to leave, but Chrissie spoke. “What do you want?”

“Sorry,” Chas said, feeling guilty. “Coming here was a mistake. I… I’ll go.”

“You live in the village,” Chrissie said, tiredly, trying to prop herself up. Chas moved by instinct, helping her to sit up. It was obvious she was in pain and Chas had moved before she even thought about it. “I recognise your face.”

“Yes, I do,” she said.

“And you looked angry,” Chrissie continued. “What is it? What makes you disturb a dying woman?”

“I didn’t know you were dying,” Chas said fairly. “Every woman thinks they’re dying in labour at some point, I thought it was just gossip.”

“Doesn’t answer the question,” Chrissie said. “Talk.”

“It doesn’t matter. It will wait.”

“It’s about Robert isn’t it?” Chrissie said, looking at her for a moment. “Do I finally get to know who the woman he’s been seeing is?” Chas looked blank. “He’s not as sly as he likes to think. Go on then. Tell me.”

“I er… no, this was…”

“Don’t leave,” Chrissie said as she reached the door. “You looked angry, so I don’t think it’s you. Unless he’s left you. Is it… your daughter? Is that why you’re so angry?”

“No,” Chas said. “My daughters fifteen.”

“Doesn't stop some men. Mm, so…?” Chrissie sighed and twisted in pain a little. “If you’re going to tell me better hurry up. The doctor’ll be here in a bit.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry, I’m leaving.”

“It’s bad,” Chrissie realised. “It’s… bad. Now you have to tell me.”

“It’s not my daughter. It’s my son.” The words were spoken in a whisper but they were out and Chas couldn’t take them back. Maybe it was the shock of what she’d walked in on, maybe fear. But Liv had known, and how long before others found out? And then what? It was a crime, everyone knew that. She could lose her son. Which is why she’d come here in the first place, but now she couldn’t take them back. The words were out.

“No, you’re wrong,” she said tiredly. “Twisted. Perverted. Get out.” And she would have done, now seriously regretting coming here, but before she could, Robert burst in, breathing heavily. He looked between Chas and Chrissie, eyes wild and mind clearly running a hundred miles an hour.

“Oh, my God,” Chrissie said, the pieces slipping into place. “It’s true?” She’d never have believed it if Robert had stayed away, and it becomes clear to all three of them in the same shining instant.

“Stay away from my son,” Chas said to Robert.

“You stupid bitch, what have you done? Want to lose him do you?”

“I was losing him anyway,” Chas said. “But you two were too stupid to see it. Stay away from him. How did you know I’d be here by the way?”

“I followed you,” Robert said without shame. “I waited to see what you’d do. But my horse threw a shoe half a mile away. So I had to walk and I got here too late to stop you.”

“Good,” Chas said harshly, leaving the house.

“It’s true?” Chrissie asked, face pale.

“No,” Robert said. “Of course not, it’s the fever talking. You go back to sleep and rest.”

“You’re a sodomite?!” Chrissie hissed, then winced as a bolt of pain went through her. “You’re… how… I mean, what?”

“Chrissie, it’s nothing, she’s delusional,” Robert started. “I mean, come on, we’ve got a healthy baby girl, does that make me the kind of man who’d…”

“Get out,” Chrissie said tiredly.

“Chrissie…”

“Leave,” she said. When Robert still didn’t move, Chrissie turned onto her side, painfully and moved to ring the servants bell. He might be her husband, but all of the servants were Chrissie’s, having come with her from the White household, and if she asked one of the manservant’s to remove him, they would do it. Before she could ring it, Robert left. Chrissie sat back tiredly on the bed, running through everything in her mind. She believed Chas. The panic, the fear on Robert’s face… there’d be no need if she was lying. Chrissie must have dropped off to sleep while running things through her head, because the next time she opened her eyes, her doctor was there, and the sun was low in the sky. Early evening then.

“How’s it looking?” she asked.

“Hours,” he said honestly. “Rather than days.

“I need to write a letter,” Chrissie said, making a decision. “Can you bring supplies?”

“Of course my lady.”

“And then I want to see my daughter.” The doctor nodded again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Chrissie's reaction is somewhat muted, but I wanted that, as she doesn't have the energy to fight it right now. Hope this read okay, we've been heading here for a while!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a slow update, so sorry! Too much else on! Hope you enjoy this now it's here.

 

“How could you be so stupid?!” Aaron shouted. He actually couldn’t believe his mother had told Robert’s wife. “You want me to get locked up?”

“She’s not going to report it,” Chas said fairly. “She might keep a closer eye on her husband, that's all!”

“She’s dying!”

“Yeah, well, I thought people were exaggerating in the village,” Chas said, shifting uncomfortably. “When I saw her, I didn’t tell her. Or not straight away and it sort of… came out.”

“Oh, and you had no choice in the matter did you?” Aaron said sarcastically.

“Robert came in panicking, it was obvious something was wrong!” Chas said, desperate. “And before you start screaming at me, I’m not the one breaking the law!”

That stung. Because it wasn‘t as if it was his fault he‘d fallen in love with Robert, it was out of his control. “But I can’t help it,” Aaron said, voice low.

“Of course you can,” Chas said, shaking her head. “Seeing him is a choice. Taking your clothes off for him is a choice. Everything we do is a choice. You just don’t like the options you’ve been given, you think you can break the rules.”

“Who exactly are we hurting?” Aaron shouted, having had enough now. “The fact I’m having sex with him effects precisely no one.”

“His wife? Liv?”

“What about Liv?”

“She’s the one who told me. She’s scared and she didn’t know what to do.” Aaron turned to Liv who’d been trying to make herself small in the kitchen.

“I didn’t know she’d go telling tales to his wife,” Liv said fairly.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Chas asked, looking at her children. “Don’t you realise how serious this is? This isn’t some childish game.”

“No, it’s not,” Aaron said, voice breaking. “You think I didn’t try? To stop it? I always tried, but I can’t. I love him. And yeah, I know it goes against nature and all that rubbish, but it’s too late.”

“I should tell Cain,” Chas said.

“No, don’t,” Aaron said firmly. He loved his uncle, but there was no denying he was the local thug. And having a relationship with a man, the landlord for Gods sake. That would be so bad. And violent.

“Now _that_ gets your attention?”

“You want him to kill me?” Aaron asked. “He’d probably murder Robert, then where’s that leave you?”

Both mother and son seemed to have reached the end of the argument, breathing heavily, nothing left to say.

“You better hope she doesn’t say anything,” Aaron said in a parting shot, going up to his bedroom.

* * *

It took two long days to hear anything from the Big house. Two days that no one was speaking to each other, Liv felt terrible, like this was all her fault when all she’d wanted to do was try and help. Chas wasn’t admitting blame and Aaron was too stubborn to forgive either of them. When they got news, it wasn’t from Robert, it was from gossip from the maids. Chrissie White had died this afternoon.

The three Dingle’s looked at each other, wondering if it was too good to believe. Because if she was dead, she couldn’t talk. _Is this what I’ve been reduced to_? Aaron wondered. Taking advantage of a woman’s death?

About two hours after the news filtered down through the gossip mill, Robert rode to Aaron’s door, not even bothering to stable his horse, just tied him up by the gatepost. Everyone inside knew their dirty little secret now anyway.

“Hi,” Aaron said, ignoring his mother in the kitchen. His eyes flicked upwards and both men went to the bedroom completely ignoring Chas’s shout of protest. “How are you?”

“Not good,” Robert said. “She didn’t die quick, and… yeah, it wasn’t easy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” Robert asked softly.

“I might want you, but I didn’t want anyone to die.”

“Sarah,” Robert said. “My daughter, her name’s Sarah.”

“Oh,” Aaron said quietly. What did you say when your boyfriend was telling you about their newborn daughter?

“She’s perfect.”

“I’m sure she is,” Aaron said. Then changed the subject to more pressing matters. “Do you think… did Chrissie tell anyone, or have we got away with it?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said. “Even if she did, I don’t know if she’d be believed. She did get a bit delirious near the end.”

“What now?” Aaron asked.

“I want to hold you,” Robert said quietly. “Can I?” And there was nothing Aaron wanted more. They curled up together on the bed, fully clothed, Robert burying his head against Aaron’s neck. He smelt of hay, animal and maleness. So good, familiar and warm. Whatever happened, Robert knew he needed this.

“Love you.”

“Love you,” Aaron countered but with no less feeling, closing his eyes in contentment.

* * *

The horse clattered to a stop outside the house, grand and imposing, far too much so for the mud splattered rider. He jumped down off his horse and ignored the footman who tried to stop him.

“I need to see Mr White, it’s urgent,” he said. The tone must have given him away and the footman stuttered for a moment.

“Wait here,” he was told, in an empty anteroom, just the ticking of the clock keeping him company. The rider’s started to feel uncomfortable now. It had been a long hard journey in bad weather, but he was finally here, and he had to deliver what he'd been given.

The door opened and Lawrence White appeared, dressed in clothes the servant would never be able to touch, let alone afford. “What on earth is the late night visit for?” he said, clearly annoyed at being disturbed from his whisky.

“I bring a letter from your daughter,” the man said, digging into his coat pocket and finding the crumpled, but intact letter.

“Rebecca?”

“Chrissie.”

“Has she had the baby?” Lawrence asked, all eagerness now. The man handed over the letter in silence. It wasn’t his place. Lawrence read it before collapsing into a chair, the words on the paper far too much to cope with.


	20. Chapter 20

 

Robert felt so tired. Every day the hours seemed to drag on and on, what with organising a funeral for his wife which had to be done quickly, and a household in mourning. Not to mention the fact that he’d had to find a nursemaid for his daughter as well, now that Chrissie had died. Every night he somehow found himself back at the Dingles farm, resting his tired body next to the one man who didn’t judge him. It wasn’t about sex any more. Probably hadn’t been for a while if either of them were being honest. Robert kept sneaking in at night, because he couldn’t cope with the glaring of Chas. Not on top of his wife’s funeral and letters that had to be written and organising things. Liv was fine, Liv didn’t seem to mind when she saw him sneaking in or out.

He felt like he was just about coping until Lawrence White turned up in his carriage the day before the funeral. He looked grim and suitably sad when he greeted Robert.

“Is she…?”

“She died,” Robert confirmed.

Lawrence sighed heavily. “I got the letters telling me she thought she was going to die, but… I didn’t really believe it.”

“Good job you got here now,” Robert said. “Funeral’s tomorrow. Rebecca won’t make it from London, not in time.”

“And how’s Sarah?”

“Perfect,” Robert said warmly. “Healthiest baby in the world.”

“Can I see her?” Robert nodded and led the way into the house. In the nursery, Sarah’s awake, blinking at the stranger.

“Oh, my God,” Lawrence said, picking her wriggling form up. “She looks so much like Chrissie did when she was a baby.” Robert could imagine that. Sarah had dark curls on her head, and Chrissie’s eyes. She didn’t look much like her father, or certainly not yet. Too brand new to be set into anything.

“How was Chrissie before she died?” Lawrence asked darkly, holding his granddaughter.

“She was in love with Sarah,” Robert settled on. “She loved her. But… It wasn’t quick, she was suffering for days sadly.”

“Was she delirious?”

“No,” Robert said. “She knew the end was coming and she wanted Sarah looked after. That‘s all.” Robert touched Sarah’s nose and she looked at Robert steadily, too small to smile.

“I want to have a word with the staff,” Lawrence said, putting the baby back in her cradle. “Some of those servants have been with Chrissie since she was a girl…”

“Of course,” Robert said respectfully. “Probably gathering in the kitchen below stairs. They don’t really know what to do with themselves.”

“I know the feeling,” Lawrence said. He nodded to Robert and left him alone with the baby.

* * *

 

Below stairs there was enough grief that Lawrence’s presence wasn’t even that awkward. There were more important things than protocol. Lawrence tried to ask about Robert and his behaviour, but there really wasn’t a subtle way to ask if Robert was behaving in a way that wouldn’t occur to most country folk in the first place. The only person who seemed hesitant was the household cook.

Pearl, in charge of the kitchen was the only one who looked shifty, uncomfortable when Lawrence mentioned Robert. She’d been in the White’s employ for too long to easily lie to them. Lawrence nodded for her to come outside with him, where there wasn’t an audience, which she did. Under the grey sky, Lawrence started to speak. “Pearl,” Lawrence said quietly. “Anything you want to say?”

“I shouldn’t gossip,” she said.

“Chrissie wrote to me before she died,” Lawrence said. “She accused her husband of sodomy.” Pearl paled a little, but Lawrence could read people well, and he could see things clicking into place in her head. And Lawrence suddenly knew that Chrissie was right, without her needing to say another word. But he wanted to hear it from her. “Out with it,” Lawrence demanded.

“I er…” she tilted her head slightly. “When Miss White… Mrs Sugden, I should say. When she went to visit her sister in London earlier in the year, I stayed here. Just to tend to a few things for Mr Sugden, she didn’t need me when I was away. And… er…”

“Spit it out,” Lawrence said. “I’m not blaming you for anything.”

“Mr Sugden did have a guest here. An overnight guest. Most days I’d tidy up and see an extra whisky glass, a deck of cards abandoned. I didn’t think much of it at the time, of course a man needs company. I er… just didn’t think… it was _that_ _kind_ of company.

“Was Chrissie lucid?” Lawrence asked. “Before she died. She wasn’t raving, she wasn’t…”

“No, she made sense,” Pearl said. “She was in pain from the childbed fever, but she was still Chrissie.”

“Do you know who?” Lawrence asked, but Pearl shook her head. “Thank you,” Lawrence said. “Do you want to come back to my household?”

“What about Mr Sugden?”

“He will not be here much longer, don’t you worry about that,” he said determinedly.

* * *

 

Lawrence said nothing while his daughter was yet to be buried. He wouldn’t tarnish his grief over her by confronting Robert. It could wait. He held his tongue during the funeral service, and Robert was the perfect image of the grieving husband. Even if that was all a lie. Lawrence felt too distracted by saying goodbye to his eldest child to give Robert much thought throughout the day. It wasn’t until dusk had fallen and Lawrence sat with sadness and whisky that he saw the shadows from the main front door, Robert's figure clear against the lantern light. Robert had gone to his horse in the stables and Lawrence followed him.

* * *

 

“Going down memory lane?” Aaron teased. Robert had met him in the lambing shed, because he wanted some privacy, not Chas listening in from the hallway at the house. “How are you?”

“Today was a bad day,” Robert admitted. “A bad, bad day, but it’s over. She’s buried, and maybe I can move on focusing on my daughter. I’m all she’s got now, and… yeah, I need to move on.”

“I know today can’t have been easy for you,” Aaron said, hands around his waist, stroking his body. “I’m sorry. I never meant for her to die.”

“She died of something no one has any control over,” Robert said. “It’s not your fault and it’s not mine.”

“But we didn’t make her life easier, did we?”

“I’m in love with you,” Robert said. “I can’t feel guilty about it. I won’t.” Aaron smiled and kissed him, the embrace turning passionate quickly, wandering hands pulling fabric away. 

“You sure?” Aaron breathed against his mouth and Robert nodded desperately. He needed Aaron like he needed air right now. It wasn’t until Robert was pressed between the straw and Aaron’s body, legs wrapped around his hips familiarly that they both realised they weren’t alone.

“If you could get off my son-in-law…”


	21. Chapter 21

Aaron looked half embarrassed half fearful as he pulled his clothes into place, Lawrence White almost surveying them.

“You, leave,” Lawrence said to him briefly.

“No,” Aaron replied, more strength than he thought he had. He didn’t know quite what Chrissie’s father would do to Robert if left alone, Aaron didn’t trust either of these men not to give in to their tempers.

“If you value your life, you’ll leave,” Lawrence said, annoyed with him like he would be a fly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Aaron said. “Rob…”

“I need to talk to Robert alone,” Lawrence said. “Discuss how to deal with this unpalatable situation.”

“That’s what I am is it?” Aaron asked. “An _unpalatable situation._ ”

“Go back to your own kind,” Lawrence said, losing patience now. “What are you, farm hand? Leave.”

“Robert, I don’t trust him,” Aaron said.

“I don’t either,” Robert replied, keeping his eyes steadily on Lawrence. “Your daughter’s dead. I’m not offending her, I’m not hurting her, it’s too late.”

“You think being married to someone who has these particular proclivities wouldn’t shame her? Or your daughter?” Lawrence asked. “Chrissie wrote to me before she died. Told me you’d been carrying on with some lad.” Robert froze. He hadn’t expected that. “And Pearl, your cook. She knows. Or suspected, I pulled it out of her. This has been going on for months don’t even try to lie.”

“All right,” Robert said. “But you can’t prove it, and you also can’t do anything about it.”

“Wrong,” Lawrence said. He’d been thinking about this and he had a plan. It wasn’t altogether a surprise to walk in on those two men together, it had just confirmed his (and by extension Chrissie’s) suspicions. “I am going to give you a significant amount of money, I’m going to book you passage on a ship to the New World. And then maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to forget all about what I just witnessed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert said, angry.

“Then my second idea is I visit the local constable and with my impeccable reputation, I will make certain he believes me. And if he doesn’t, I will bribe him to make utterly sure that you are no longer a problem or a stain on my family name.”

Robert breathed heavily. This was a threat, Lawrence could do it anyway, and he‘d be in prison before blinking. “I will not leave my daughter no matter what you threaten me with.”

“It’s not like she’s even your daughter,” Lawrence said, hitting him where it hurt. “You’re a sodomite, you can’t be her father.”

“She is mine!” Robert said strongly, near shouting.

“And what use would you be for her? When you're in prison for cavorting with another man?” Lawrence said. “I’ll take the girl. She’ll be well looked after and she’ll inherit everything when I’m gone. She’ll have a good life, a far better one than she could have with you.”

“You think I’m giving up my daughter to you?”

“I think you’ve got no choice,” Lawrence said. “Go to America. Take your farmer with you if you want for all I care. You need to leave. Too many people know this secret, and if you don’t, Sarah will end up being one of those abandoned children, probably sold into the work house in complete disgrace. You won’t be in a position to help her. I will guarantee it.”

“Lawrence…”

“She’s my only grandchild. She will get everything she could ever want. Now, do you want to take my offer, or shall I get the coach and recruit some “help” in removing the deviants from my land.” His eyes flicked to Aaron who’d been mostly ignored in this conversation.

“Go away,” Aaron said to Lawrence, seeing that Robert had been struck mute. “Give him some time. It’s the middle of the night anyway.”

This was a slight exaggeration, but Robert had a distinct shell shocked look about him and Lawrence being here wouldn’t help. “Fine,” the man said. “Find me when your partner in crime’s given you his “advice.”” Lawrence left the shed and Robert started breathing heavily, almost like he was in a panic attack. Aaron put his hands on his shoulders and looked him square on.

“Come on, calm down. It’ll be okay, just keep looking at me and breathe. Slowly. In and out. That’s it.” Robert did, Aaron’s touch grounding him.

“That’s it,” Robert said. “It’s over, my life, the lying, the secrets... all over.”

“You could always take him up on his offer,” Aaron said after a moments silence. “A new life, no past, no regrets. You could start again. America, it‘s so far away, no one would ever know your mistakes.”

“This is my home,” Robert said. “And you’re not a mistake.”

“Too many people know,” Aaron said realistically. “He’s offering you an out. I don’t want prison, Robert. I know you don’t either.”

“I don’t know what to do!” Robert almost wailed. “How is this fair? Just because I fell in love with you? It shouldn’t be wrong, it shouldn’t be illegal.”

“But it is,” Aaron said, interrupting him. “It is and we both knew that before we got here. I don’t like it either, but realistically… what choice have you got?”

Robert collapsed onto the straw, looking up at the rotting roof of the building that probably wouldn’t make it another winter. Aaron lay next to him, resting his head on his chest and Robert let him, wrapping his arms around the other man. Robert wondered how much longer his freedom would allow him to do this. Would this be the last time he got to hold Aaron? One thing he knew, Lawrence did not make idle threats.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one had been left alone for far too long and I apologise!! This is the last chapter, which is basically tying everything up. I hope you enjoy it and sorry for the wait.

Robert cradled his daughter gently, trying to memorise every inch of her perfect face. Innocent, soft, almost newborn. Her downy hair soft against his fingers as he held her head.

“Hi Sarah,” he said softly, smiling at her. “God, this is going to be difficult. I’ve got to say goodbye to you and I’ve only just met you. Hardly seems fair, does it?” He sighed. “I have done a lot of bad things. But I don’t think falling in love with Aaron was one of them. I know society says differently, and I know that’s why I’m leaving you, but… I don’t think it’s a bad thing to love someone who loves you. Actually, I think it’s so rare. And I want that for you.” He rocked her again, focusing on her baby blue eyes, watching him intently.

“You’ll be safe and cared for. If I didn’t think that, there’s no way I’d leave. But if I get found out, and if I stay here I probably will, if that happens, you’ll be taken from me anyway. And you’ll lose your inheritance, your family, everything you have, every advantage you deserve. You’re only a few weeks old and you’re already one of the richest heiresses in the country, how about that? You’ll be just fine without me.”

Robert felt a lump in his throat, hating this. “That doesn’t mean I won’t miss you. I won’t wonder about you, what’s happening with my gorgeous perfect little girl. But you just hang on, okay? Whatever it is you want, you fight for it. You’re a Sugden and we don’t take things lying down. And your mum was hardly a calm influence either, so you should have some fire about you when you’re a little older. And who knows, maybe one day you'll come to America yourself.” Robert kissed her head lightly, feeling the pain overwhelm him as he put the baby in her crib. He didn’t say goodbye. That was too final. He didn’t look back as he got to the door of the nursery and walked through it. He felt so emotional, he barely realised he was walking into Aaron.

“You’re leaving?!” he spat out.

“You know I have no choice,” Robert said, going to his rooms to supervise the packing. He might be leaving for the Americas on a ship, but he planned to take his possessions with him.

“Of course you have a choice!” Aaron snapped. “How could you leave your daughter?”

“If I take her with me, what then?” Robert said. “She won’t survive the months long journey. Even if I had the milk to feed her on, she’ll grow sickly and could even die on the trip. She needs a wet nurse. Even if she miraculously survives when we get there, how am I meant to look after a baby? I’ll be building a house, a farmstead, trying to carve some semblance of a life for myself.”

“What do you mean, a house?” Aaron asked in confusion.

“I’m thinking of her future, Aaron. Leaving her hurts me, but it is the best thing for her. And you know that, you know that taking her away from her fortune to a developing country is bad.”

“It’s not a developing country,” Aaron spat back.

“Not too long ago they were at war,” Robert said. “You never know what could happen. Sarah is safer here. And you know it.”

Aaron sighed heavily. “I hate that. I feel like its my fault.”

“It isn’t,” Robert said, holding Aarons hand, the first time they’d touched today. “Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come on, you could come with me, we could build a life together.”

“That’s insane,” Aaron said.

“It’s a small village. You will not be able to hide what you are forever. After me, some other guy will come along.”

“They won’t,” Aaron said surely. “I’ll never feel this way about someone else.”

“Then come with me,” Robert urged. “What’ve you got here for you except a failing farm and a loveless marriage, which I’m sure will happen for you sooner or later. That’s not a life.”

“Rob, this is crazy,” Aaron said.

“Think about it,” Robert said. “I love you, Aaron. I want to wake up with you. I want to go to sleep with you, I want my life with you.”

“And we can get away with that, can we?” Aaron asked incredulously. “What would we do, pretend I’m your servant or something?” He did not look pleased with that option.

“My brother,” Robert said. “People would leave us alone and we’d be on an equal footing. I’ve been given a plot of farmland in America. Or Lawrence bribed it for me, anyway, we could run a farm. We’re both capable. There is nothing stopping you from coming with me except fear.”

“Well, yeah!” Aaron said. “I’ve never been more than thirty miles from my house and you’re inviting me to another continent?”

“Some would call that romantic,” Robert said. “Think about it. My horse and carriage leave at dawn for Edinburgh. For the ship. I’ll stop on the track to your house. If you want to come, be there, if you don’t, then this is goodbye.” Robert moved close and kissed him so softly. “I’ll understand. It’ll hurt to lose you on top of everything else, but I get it. Now, I have things to do Aaron. I’ll see you tomorrow. I hope.” Aaron could tell the subject was closed and he left the house.

* * *

Aaron had walked up to the big house, so he walked back to his home, thinking fast. In so many ways, Robert was right. What did he actually have for him here? Sooner or later he’d be married, for appearance if nothing else, to seem normal. And sleeping with a woman would be just another task to get through for him. He knew that with a certainty after being with Robert. Physically it was so good with him. What did he have, scraping by every week and month for a pittance for the rest of his life? It wasn’t a life. By the time he’d got home, he’d made a decision.

He hadn’t said goodbye to Liv or his mum. He couldn’t because they would both try to persuade him to change his mind, but his mind was made up. He would miss them both terribly, but he never thought he could love someone, anyone the way he did Robert. If there was a chance they could make this work, he had to take it. Couldn’t do anything else. Aaron barely slept that night, desperate to not miss the appointed time in the morning.

Aaron saw the first pale glow of dawn in the distance. It was still dark, but he grabbed the bag he’d packed the night before, feeling so nervous about what he was going to do. He didn’t even get to the door. Liv and Chas were there, confronting him. Shit. Aaron didn’t have limitless time and he prayed to God he could get rid of them quickly.

“I have to go.”

“Were you even going to say goodbye?” Chas asked with tears in her eyes.

“How did you know?”

“It’s all over the village he’s leaving.” She put her hands on her hips. “I know you love him. I don’t understand, but I know you do.”

“You’re not going to try and stop me?” Aaron asked in disbelief.

“Are you happy when you’re with him?” Chas asked. Aaron nodded. “Then no, I’m not,” she said. “But I want a favour.”

“I’ll write,” Aaron said. “I know how to now.”

“That’s not it,” she said. “Take Liv with you.”

“What!? No, I have to go now. He won’t wait for long.”

“She’s ready to go,” Chas said, giving Liv a nudge. She picked up her bag, eyes wide.

“You really want to come?”

“Yes,” Liv said fervently. “Please Aaron, I so want to go. There’s nothing for me here except ending up at the whore house or probably dying in childbirth. I want an adventure before I’m old and boring like you.”

“Hey!” Aaron said, ruffling her hair. She just grinned. “Are you sure?”

“I thought you didn’t have the time to argue.” He didn’t, Aaron looked to the window and knew he had to go. 

“Come here.” The three of them hugged tightly, gripping clothes and flesh as close as possible. A hug to last a lifetime.

“Take care of her,” Chas said. “Of both of you.”

“Robert will,” Aaron said. She sighed. “He’s a good man.”

“I love you both,” Chas said looking at her children. “Write. Please.”

“I promise. We really have to go.”

“Bye mum!” Liv said way too cheerfully. And they were out the door in the cold of the early morning.

“Are you sure about this?” Aaron asked, walking up the track.

“Yeah,” she said. “Anyway, if I change my mind you can kick me out before we get to Edinburgh and I’ll come back home. But I won’t change my mind.”

“Come on.”

* * *

 

Robert waited, looking at the sun, just a half disk on the horizon, shining weak light. He wasn’t coming. Of course not, why would he abandon his whole life for a fling? Robert had to leave, Aaron didn’t.

“Worried?” He turned around to see Aaron and Liv and his heart unclenched. Aaron was here, he wanted Robert and their future.

“A little,” he said. “What’s she doing here?”

“Do you mind one more?” Aaron asked.

“I er…”

“It’s rhetorical,” Liv said, jumping up onto the cart with the luggage.

“If you want to talk her out of it, we’ve got a long journey,” Aaron said, throwing Liv his bag. Nothing to the amount of stuff Robert was taking with him.

“You sure about this?”

“No,” Aaron said, jumping up onto the waiting horse, Robert had two. “I have never been less sure about anything, but I can’t lose you. I’m not risking losing you if I can help it. So…” He gave the reins a jerk and the horses walked on slowly. They had a very long journey, all told.

“Hey.” Robert looked at him, the hope and joy he’d felt at having Aaron with him fading slightly. Aaron grabbed Robert’s jacket and Robert’s eyes darted around. “No one’s up yet.” Robert let out a slight smile and kissed him. It was more for comfort than anything else but Robert’s eyes were glowing with happiness.

“Ready?” Aaron grinned.

"Ready." And they were. For whatever came next.


End file.
